David
@ActiveTake

Professional shitposter

 Lexington, KY
Joined March 2021
926 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
David
@ActiveTake
Sep 23
They found Noah’s ark before the Epstein client list
129
1,547
18,576
372,351
David retweeted
audrey@phlegmme
Sep 25
Alcohol is the #1 obstacle to weight loss. Just one beer is 200 calories. That means the average person is consuming over 4,000 extra calories every single workday
226
2,028
68,668
1,772,417
Boomer study: why are you stressed? Just take a vacation every two months.
NewsWire
@NewsWire_US
Sep 25
You need to go on vacation every two months to recover from work stress, study finds — Mail
1
1
14
630
Which 10?
R A W S A L E R T S
@rawsalerts
Sep 25
🚨 #BREAKING: Bill Gates proclaims AI is now powerful enough to eliminate well over 10% of the human population.
3
9
370
Google Maps talked over the best part of the song I was singing. I started it over. The destination can wait.
1
11
404
She’s spiraling a little. I say something sarcastic. Now there are two problems.
2
8
709
This is the shit I’ll be thinking about at 3am
Michael Klotz
@Mike_M_Klotz
Sep 22
I just realized I’ve been in my house for six years and have never flushed the water heater.
13
1,008
My dad would see this and think Sly’s still the man.
Aaron
@Aaron9vln
Sep 21
You thought he couldn't do it a...
2
1
13
677
He is the guy that found the golden plates on the Enterprise
Aaron Smith-Levin
@GrowingupinSCN
Sep 21
Why is Tom Cruise so weird in interviews? It's because he's mirroring L. Ron Hubbard's interviews.
1
8
1,419
Overseeded the lawn. Gave myself a second job that doesn’t pay.
5
377
If it isn’t first thing in the morning it owns the whole day.
Miilato
@litteralyme0
Sep 20
Me wasting my entire day because I've got something to do at 5pm
1
22
1,055
Left it open for interpretation. Vendor chose plane.
Yunging💞@holanz_
Sep 20
Ordered a Plain cake from this vendor and this was what I received?!
Community note
This image was shared earlier by @RaminNasibov captioned only "plane cake" and does not depict a cake ordered or received from a vendor. x.com/RaminNasibov/s…
2
12
759
Not 100%, but that man has a cubicle in Langley.
Lee Kuan Yimby
@LeeKuanYimby
Sep 19
One reason Yemen is so impoverished is roughly 80% of the male population is addicted to Khat. They're high almost all the time.
4
20
834
Be nice enough at work to get thanked. Not so nice they start bringing you other people’s jobs.
2
16
479
Arguing by text at work. The typing bubbles feel like a fire alarm.
4
387
On hold 20 minutes listening to a song about how much they value my time.
1
17
462
Who tf wants Wendy's when you can go to Chili's for similar pricing
Polymarket
@Polymarket
Sep 18
BREAKING: Wendy’s franchisee operating 314 locations files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, as the burger chain struggles through 6 straight quarters of same-store sales declines.
14
557
Feeling broke at 25 used to mean you partied. Now it means you bought groceries and paid rent.
1
2
26
524
Guy rides my bumper like the mile of cars in front of me doesn’t exist.
1
1
32
548
Held the door. They walked through like the building opened itself.
1
3
319
Load more