Hi, I make @PoorlyAgedStuff's posts accessible by replying with text descriptions AKA alt text, so screen reader users know what has aged poorly! Feel free to @ me if you need it for an older post. You can alt-text your own tweets — this article shows how! help.twitter.com/en/using-tw…
Meme, "things that will never happen" starter pack:
Overwatch 2 being released
Queen Elizabeth dying
GTA 6 coming out
Putin not being president of Russia
A text message that says "this is so random but i found out today that kissinger is still alive today at over 100 years old". Attached is a screenshot of the Wikipedia panel of Henry Kissinger as seen on Google, with no listed date of death.
ALT A 4 panel comic consisting of Ashton Kutcher discussing Hilary Duff.
Panel 1: A picture of Hilary Duff, Kutcher says “Hilary Duff is in Lizzie McGuire.”
Panel 2: A side shot of Kutcher talking. Kutcher says “And she’s one of the girls”
Panel 3: Front shot of Kutcher. Kutcher says “that we’re all waiting for to turn 18.”
Panel 4: Another front shot of Kutcher with a snarky expression. Kutcher says “Along with the Olsen twins.”
Context:
After years of advocacy against sex trafficking, Ashton Kutcher took it upon himself to defend his former co-star Danny Masterson after he was convicted of multiple counts of rape. As a result, many older clips of Kutcher have resurfaced showing predatory and/or creepy behavior on his part, such as here, where he talks about desperately waiting for child stars to turn 18.
ALT A YouTube thumbnail from the channel Nin10doland titled “Nintendo Has FORGOTTEN About Mario…” with an image of Mario crying in the rain in front of crossed out logos of the Super Mario brand and Super Mario Odyssey 2.
Context:
Posted late last year, more Mario games have been announced since the video’s posting than there have been in a very long time, including some long requested remakes and new games.
ALT An article from gamesindustry.biz, with the headline being a quote from the CEO of Unity Technologies, the company responsible for the free game development software Unity.
"There's no royalties, no f***ing around" - Riccitiello
Subtitled "Unity CEO touts the new full-featured and free version of Unity 5, likens Unreal Engine approach to free-to-play whale hunting"
The article is from March 3rd, 2015.
Context:
On September 12th, 2023, Unity announced a new policy that charges developers that use their engine. Unlike most game engines, this isn't a one-time licensing fee to use the engine or even a monthly/yearly fee. Effective January 1st, 2024, any successful developer that uses Unity to make their game will be charged every time a new person downloads their game. This is effectively royalties, but in a roundabout and easily exploitable way.
ALT An r/AskReddit thread titled "Who's a celebrity no one can hate?"
Top response says "Ashton Kutcher. The man literally saves children from human trafficking."
Another comment in response to the first says "I had to scroll way to far to find this answer. He could have done literally nothing, because of his looks, and people would still love him. But instead he continues to use his celebrity status to create awareness and save thousands of lives. He deserves all the recognition, but never asks for it. Fucking legend."
Context:
After Kutcher's "That 70's Show" co-star, Danny Masterson, was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison after being found guilty of two counts of rape against two different women, Kutcher and his wife, Mila Kunis, would write letters to the judge defending Masterson's character. This quickly lead to the public finding many examples of alarming behavior from Kutcher in the past and an influx of hate for the actor.
ALT An article titled "Studio Ghibli to release Hayao Miyazaki’s final film with no trailers or promotion"
Followed by a subtitle that says "The director and veteran of Studio Ghibli plans to retire after the release of How Do You Live? which will forgo trailers and marketing ahead of its Japanese release next month"
Pictured is director Hayao Miyazaki.
Context:
They have released a trailer for the movie, and fellow members of Studio Ghibli have confirmed Miyazaki is not going to retire (this is the fourth time he has said he will retire and then changed his mind).
ALT A reddit post from 2022 titled "It's official. The young version of Eminem is going to play Sanji in that shitty live-action one piece". Attached is a press image revealing the casting of Taz Skylar as Sanji in the live-action adaptation of One Piece, stylized as a wanted poster, next to an image of Sanji from the anime.
Context:
On August 31st, 2023, the live-action adaptation of One Piece released to critical acclaim, with many citing the casting, including Skylar as Sanji, as particularly great.
ALT Two posts in a forum titled “spongebob-so it comes to this” from July 18th, 1999.
The first post says:
“saw the spongebob pramiere saturday. can you say completly pathetic? looks
like nick is running out ideas. the show is doomed!
R.I.P SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
now shuttup and drive-ren Rupper Nipple Salesmen”
The second posts says, in response to the first:
“I had my doubts about it from the start, but gave it a chance anyway. Man, it sucked.
Speaking of new Nicktoons, anybody have anything to say about Rocket Power or
Chalkzone? They sound a lot more promising than Spongebob, though it's a
little too early to tell.”
Context:
SpongeBob would go on to be the one of the most critically acclaimed and popular Nickelodeon shows ever made, and it still runs to this day.
ALT A tweet saying "Fake Saints Row fans when the 'woke' Reboot is a financial success and Volition doesn't go out of business." Attached is a video of Homelander from the Amazon series "The Boys" having a breakdown.
Context:
Saints Row (2022) would go on to receive poor sales and negative reviews, citing poor marketing, a radical change in tone from previous games, and a buggy release as why the game flopped. On August 31st, 2023, Embracer Group would shut down Volition Studio after 30 years of being in the industry.
The Poorly Aged Cat has an orange and white coat, cyan eyes, and a wide grin. He wears sunglasses on his forehead, an unbuttoned blue Hawaiian shirt, a pair of blue and white sneakers, a collar with a name tag that says "PAT", and a watch on his left wrist.