..... Who never measured up to his brilliance, his intelligence, his unconditional love for me.
I happened to be thinking about him this past Christmas and that's when I discovered he passed away in 2009. Something told me he had been long gone, but I did not want that answer then. I was upset. I grieved. But, because I am me, I needed to know answers, as in: how did he die? I got those answers when I happened by chance on the telephone number of his loved one, who I won't name because I don't want to embarrass him in case they read this, and not rehash the past anymore for them. But he was kind and he told me how V died and it just broke my heart all over again because even though he had loved ones in his life towards the end, there was cruelty as well, it has me questioning whether if I said yes to his marriage proposals, that things would have been different? Was I a lifeline he was so desperately trying to hold on to and I just ignored those signs? and I think that's what is putting me in a tailspin of overwhelming grief and anger. Because anybody who knows me, knows that I can't stand people taking advantage of other people especially those that are vulnerable. But, I know I got to let go of that and give it to God and then and only then will I find peace.
Oh lordy, I just need to cherish the memories and know in my heart how much he loved me, even though he never spoke about me, and I can understand why, I know it was probably painful to talk about love lost, as it was/is painful for me to relive the love I felt and feel for this man who was truly my first love and played a major role in shaping me into The confident woman I became.
So, V, thank you for coming into my life when you did. I regret not being there in the end with you, but, I know and feel that you do know how much I have always loved you.
until we meet again, you gentle soul.