i make music. i tell jokes. i wrote a book. i’ve been on tv and in movies. seen on nbc, pbs, fox, hulu, amazon prime video

Los Angeles, CA
my hypochondriac girlfriend has a birthday coming up. what do you get the woman who thinks she has everything?
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gonna stress eat an entire pizza tonight
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one of project 2025’s main policy plans is that hulkamania will be running wild
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the supreme court just issued a ruling that said we can all go fuck ourselves
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i had a wild friday night. i partied so hard* *fell asleep watching Eraserhead
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the mighty mighty deftones
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RT @BigLilWeasel: On Tuesday night I'll be on with Digital Slumber Party on @ComedyHubLive with @AnthonyKapfer and Amber at 9pm EST. Maybe…
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i agreed to perform comedy for free on a show at a park in los angeles yesterday. the promoter thought it would be funny to throw his drink in my face. and here i thought as an artist and performer i had been disrespected in every way possible
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context: i did a standup set. after, i was part of a live comedy sketch. my character was supposed to have a heart attack & collapse. while i was on the ground, the promoter (who was not part of the sketch) joined & yelled “i’m a doctor” & proceeded to pour his drink on my face
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now this dude is mad at me for posting about it, even though i never named him, and he’s coming at me in my ig dms
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taylor swift won the superbowl
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there was just an earthquake in los angeles but i didn’t notice because i was recording a new song so i was already rocking really hard
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it’s january 1st. time to change your guitar strings and clean your bongs
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die hard is a movie
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it’s friday night and i’m partying!* *ordering deodorant on amazon
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Bald Whig - Teen Wolf. streaming everywhere
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i wrote and recorded an entire album in a week. if you like garage rock please check out Bald Whig. here’s the bandcamp link. it’s also streaming everywhere. baldwhig.bandcamp.com/album/…
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i don’t get good sleep because i have a bad temper-pedic mattress
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evergreen tweet
If Donald Trump wanted Hillary Clinton to get locked up, he should have put her in his Cabinet
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donald trump is the michael jordan of indictments
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it’s that time of year again!
today is the day when people who never talk to me write on my facebook wall
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