Troops, I have signed up to take on #CycleSeptember to raise £3000 for @CombatStress 🚴. Vital funds to provide specialist clinical treatment and support for veterans from the British Armed Forces, focusing on those with PTSD, Complex-PTSD, and moral injury resulting from their experiences during military service. When some military personnel leave service, their experiences can’t easily be left behind. Your help and support will not only support our armed forces in need, but get me motivated to getting back on my bike and inspire me to keep going, raising money for charity and focus on my future, not my past…! events.combatstress.org.uk/f…

There's a new restaurant in town that fuses Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine. It's called Wok Like an Egyptian.

I went to a really trendy nightclub last night. The doorman said to me "Sorry mate, I can’t let you in, you've had too many!" I said "What, drinks?" He said "No, birthdays". ☺️

Colgate has launched a new toothpaste specifically for Yorkshire. It helps fight eeh-bah-gum disease.

My job has this crazy feature, where if I do my job very well I get to do other peoples jobs too.

Parenting is the eternal struggle between "don't do that" and "they gotta learn sometime"

I just started reading a new book called “Are you struggling to satisfy your partner?" By Izzy Tinn.

#Fact.

Some silly bugger has stole the ex wife's knickers off of the washing line. You can keep them, I just want my 20 clothes pegs back!😁

Did you know that Phil Oakey of The Human League had a sister who invented singing in pubs. Carrie.

I’m just biding my time until there’s a job opening on the Muppet Balcony…

We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier.. But it was getting late so we called it a knight.

The man who invented the hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage meat has just died. RIP Scott Chegg.

Is a photographic memory something you're born with, or does it take time to develop?

I have sex with my wife almost every day. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday.….

Did you know the most common owl is the teat owl? There's one in pretty much every kitchen.

At this point I'm basically just working to pay for fuel to get to work.

Looking out the window and all I see are cans of Boddingtons, Tetley's, and John Smith's. It's bitter out.

The bin men’s lorry should have a sound like an ice cream van, so you have time to bring out the bin that you forgot to put out last night.