the goat of all time.

i'm on the computer
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somethin kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away or ruins your life. so 50/50. pretty good odds.
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look man sometimes you gotta take a flyer on a jumbo fuckoff pack of novelty snacks from costco. what's the worst that could happen, you're out 18 bucks and you have to muscle through a couple dozen dog food-grade Spicy Miso Caramel Protein Clusters? that's called being alive.
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i mostly stopped going on here for a few years and now every post is like "You can tell a lot about a person based on whether their favorite blue Gatorade is Cool Blue or Glacier Freeze." no you can't. why is everyone talking like that.
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the most difficult part of parenting is when you’re trying to be a hardass because your kid isn’t eating dinner and then she points to the picture of elmo on her cup and says “this guy’s name is Gumper.”
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bobby retweeted
excited to share a new toy called bash. it’s a multiplayer coding agent with social built around it starting with invites and a waitlist, and we’ll open it up as quickly as possible bash.tv
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i recently found out i live 5 mins away from the jersey shore’s mike The Situation sorrentino and now i constantly see him driving around town in his lifted brown jeep gladiator. i just saw him leaving shoprite. what if we became friends. what if The Situation were my best friend
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bobby retweeted
this snowy day reminded me of the most insane video of all time
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the internet is broken. sup is trying to save it. and we're hiring a Design Engineer. $200-250k. good healthcare. free lunch. jumpsuits (?) NY or CA. dm for details ✌️
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i did a design sprint for the BEN SOLO pitch and i regret to inform you the movie would have been sick. rip.
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i think if you type your password almost right. like one or two mistakes. websites should be like Ahhhh close enough get your ass in here buddy :)
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my two-year-old often asks me what strangers’ names are and i always make up something weird like Shubby or Bembo and apparently she’s been paying attention because we saw a deer on the way home and i heard her say quietly to herself in the back seat “i think his name is…Jimbus”
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friday night big chilling at lumon praise kier
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it's straight up slightly nicer to be alive when there's a big HBO show airing on sunday nights and everyone is watching it. the government should fund that show. it's actually so important.
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it’s so sick to see a hawk soar.
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everyone looks great in a santa hat. kind of a shame that it’s such a seasonal accessory.
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my toddler recently learned about the grinch and she calls him The Gunch. merry christmas everyone.
tis the season
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today my child has achieved her dream of being alive in the world for one full year and has received a promotion from Baby to Toddler. she likes the grocery store and dancing and she shoots 93% from the foul line. she is a monkey so i made her a banana cake.
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(Repairing wrecked boat village boy approaches with picture from my pack) Bahu bah? {Monster} Me: No bahu bah. Marmaduke…Buha bet {Friend} Boy: Mar-ma-duke…Your? Me: Not mine. Everybodys. {confused look} he is…like Wind. Everyones Boy {grinning} Marmaduke is like Wind
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(context: i have a mustache.) we ate dinner at a pizzeria and when i sat down the toddler at the table next to us stared at me for a second then leaned over to his mom and whispered loud as fuck “IS THAT MARIO.”
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type of shit i've been on recently
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told the guy at mcdonald’s i had mobile order “victor bravo 6-7” and he laughed at me. sorry for being tactical in the drive thru.
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