During a school shooting, children hide under their desks. After a school shooting, Republicans hide under theirs.

What I’m about to write is incredibly stupid, has no social value, and is silly. I just want to make everyone aware of that. But, since the moron in Brooklyn has decided to leverage his media contacts for marketing, and change his story 11 times to get people into his store, while disparaging a genuinely good person in show business, I figured it’s time. 🧵

Now do a parody 😳

Perspective on the perfectly plausible punctual performance of a plumber in a plummeting plane perhaps leaves people perplexed 🤷‍♂️

🔥 WATCH: “Trump lies and lies. None of what he said is true. For 25 years Trump has lied about 9/11 to put himself in the story and make himself the hero.” Best-selling author @jeffpearlman recounts Trump’s sick, narcissistic lies about 9/11 and other tragedies.

If lying about 9/11 isn’t a deal breaker, what is?

They don't know wtf they're doing

The reflective suspenders really bring the outfit together

Why we do the hot pilates class

She stood her ground and held him to account. He can’t handle it. Next up were questions about the man currently in charge of covering up Donald Trump’s ties to a ped*ophelic s*x tr*fficing ring. He knew he needed to quit before she pressed him on that.

😑

Insider trading. Trump is announcing the war tonight and someone in his inner circle is profiting from it.

🚨🚨🚨 Hey MAGA, REPUBLICANS, WAKE UP “Not in the tax bracket to be Republican.’ ⁦@ThorenBradley⁩

Republican Senator Thom Tillis to Kristi Noem: “We're an exceptional nation, and one of the reasons we're exceptional is because we expect exceptional leadership, and you've demonstrated anything but that…And that is why I've called for your resignation.”

something something something

This is wildly appropriate ☠️

Kash Patel told Joe Rogan that they would not re-victimize women because then Epstein would "win". Massie just called out the DOJ for releasing the victims names in their data dump.

we need to talk about that Ring Super Bowl ad