If you've ever seen a "decision tree" (attached, from Google) - it's very useful. Try to give probability %s to each step as you go for the best way to do it.
But actually I find them extra interesting for explaning reality though, haven't found a better tool. Hear me out:
Basically at any moment, there are countless decisions to be made & for each of them, there are countless possibilities of potential actions, etc etc.
If you can map out all the possible decisions & the ones you actually made, you'll see that it's a LONG fucking tree and you've only followed a single thread, from one option to the other, and ended up at your CURRENT reality. With different decisions, actions and stuff happening - you could very well end up in a different reality. For better or worse.
Now, these are obvious, nothing crazy. What's not so obvious and is actually crazy and is actually insanely valuable is..
If you're avoiding an emotion - at any moment, some % of the possible options are immediately removed from your pool of potential actions.
So, objectively, you could take one of the 51 possible paths about a thing, which then would lead to other decisions/actions, etc. But since you don't want to feel abandoned, let's say - ANY OPTION that COULD possibly lead to that feeling of abandonment will be either deprioritized, or for most people just outright BLOCKED OUT by your unconscious mind.
Objectively: 51 possible paths
In actuality: 9 possible paths (because you avoid multiple emotions and don't go all in, thus the "comfortable" and "no-damage" paths are your only options - any other option for you is actually just a fantasy, because you're not able to/ready to feel them, handle them, embrace them, etc)
Isn't that fucking crazy, when you think about it?
You don't even realize how much you're leaving on the table unless someone (Mr CEOLandshark da Mighty Pyrate) puts it RIGHT in front of your fucking face. Right?
It's not like you don't know about the best decision to be made, or the best course of action to be taken - it doesn't even matter. Realistically, there isn't even a "best" option out in the wild like that - it's not binary, at best it's a gradient. And you can never know at any point in time - what looked like the worst decision might turn out to be the best, and vice versa. That's why in the Ancient Greece they talked about "you never evaluate a man's life until he dies." - you never really know.
The situation here is critical to understand. You are living a limited, blocked, capped, chained.. (whatever word you use here, anything negative goes) LIFE - simply because you're not willing to feel certain emotions. It's different for everyone and the dosage, timing, etc change vary. But that's your main task - to understand what you're avoiding and to live a life where you're jumping right into it. Do it little by little or go all in, doesn't matter - but you simply can't waste your life like this.
Because again, imagine your life as a full decision tree. From birth to death, countless points you've jumped. I couldn't find it but WaitButWhy had a graph like that, from left to right. Imagine something like that but for YOUR fucking life. And then realize how a BIG MAJORITY of the potential paths are closed to you, simply because you're unwilling to feel certain emotions.
Look, it's not like 14% of the potential paths are blocked. It's more like 92% of them are completely blocked to you - simply because of it. I need you to understand the severity of the situation.. And if you have more than double digit IQ, you already feel the doom about COMPOUNDING. Which is either the best ally or worst enemy of man. With each constricted, limited options you choose, you're bound, constricted, confined to an even MORE limited and constricted set of possibilities. You're basically wasting away countless possible alternative realities without even realizing. But there's only one thing that's certain: You'll die. We all do.
So, what's the solution? I remember seeing WaitButWhy's pic (share it in the comments if you find it pls, I don't have time rn & don't have it saved) and feeling kinda bad. Realizing how many possible potential realities are already gone by, even though I'm in my 20s, was a bit tough. And the graph is so well. BUT - it's just nerdy wisdom porn. It doesn't give you anything, it doesn't empower you. It just mini-shocks you and that's it.
Now, HERE's what will empower you..
If you could learn to embrace the emotions you've been avoiding your whole life, you actually gain your freedom back. Not only you're free from that confined-into-shitty-reality kinda negative compounding, but also you can make great choices, take the right action.. and all of that would (in sufficient time) result in you having a life that you couldn't even dream of. Isn't that amazing? And again, what's the ONLY thing life demands from you in order to give you your freedom + fate + power back? Ability/willingless to feel the emotions you avoid.
You don't have to read another book, you don't have to figure out the "right choices", any excuse or to-do task can be put aside, you don't have to "fix" anything, you don't even need to understand anything.. NOTHING is required except THAT.
Hell yeah. Isn't that amazing? God is great.
Best of luck
🥂