Fake Library Statistics@FakeLibStats

Tweets from a real librarian. Not currently wearing a cardigan. instagram: @FakeLibStats fakelibstats@gmail.com

 From a library near you
Based in United States
facebook.com/fakelibstats
Joined November 2011
Luckily, it’s priced for a librarian’s budget
3
28
172
4,024
IYKYK
13
107
3,809
For those who need a list of books kids should never read
1
19
87
4,425
This number doesn’t change no matter the national politics
1
19
114
4,268
“We meant well, but…”
2
8
48
4,420
What did you just say?
2
9
67
4,394
Doesn’t matter the season
13
106
5,208
Will we ever know?
1
5
103
4,787
Hugs cost at least one cookie or slice of cake each
12
72
4,638
The Librarians in the back of the all-staff meeting
3
40
417
13,871
Same answers outside cars, too to be honest
3
19
145
6,445
Happy tax day to all the public librarians out there!
Remember librarians cannot give tax advise, medical diagnoses, legal aid, nor do simple math in our heads

ALT Remember librarians cannot give tax advise, medical diagnoses, legal aid, nor do simple math in our heads
43
223
8,781
Don’t be that person.
Worst April Fools joke in a library is announcing there's cake in the breakroom when there isn't any cake

ALT Worst April Fools joke in a library is announcing there's cake in the breakroom when there isn't any cake

3
14
110
5,162
And there’s a 99% chance you don’t care
2
2
49
3,730
Sometimes even when a librarian makes a shushing joke
1
15
125
6,794
Is it the same as shelving by color?
4
4
50
4,270
It was politely asking them to not win as often
2
19
128
6,209
10
77
5,177
Shakes fist at admin!
34% of librarians wanted to have a Pi day program but library administration said it was irrational #PiDay

ALT 34% of librarians wanted to have a Pi day program but library administration said it was irrational #PiDay
3
46
3,594
The terror and guilt!
A decade later 99% of librarians will still feel guilty about a reference question where they gave out incorrect information

ALT A decade later 99% of librarians will still feel guilty about a reference question where they gave out incorrect information

3
24
164
7,253
For the others everyone understands
7
24
184
7,862
The 800s are the quietest btw
3
17
140
6,135
It isn’t possible
3
12
93
5,888
Why not just ask them all?
2
15
169
6,916
How real are you?
1
8
55
4,900
How many have been confused for a pile of cats?
11
65
4,686
7
56
3,316
Including closed stacks
10
123
5,153
I have at least two
3
19
145
6,569
“I can’t believe that.” Is a close second at 5%
1
9
121
4,914
2
2
59
4,254
The best way to find a librarian in a crowd is to yell, “Take a look” because we’re required to yell back, “It’s in a book!”

ALT Levar Burton Television GIF

1
32
149
7,063
Why?
1
5
68
4,833
Other duties as assigned
10
114
6,246
Which one are you?
4
9
72
4,736
22
196
7,653
We’re more than happy to tell you
2
46
278
11,623
Is there any other reason?
13
69
4,826
Don’t do it
30
242
8,760
WTF?!
4
73
4,000
Huh, only 49%?
2
32
202
7,142
X
There is no librarian version of Family Feud because when you survey 100 librarians you get 100 different answers

ALT There is no librarian version of Family Feud because when you survey 100 librarians you get 100 different answers
12
115
6,118
“Other duties as assigned”
19% of librarians have “expert cord detangler” on their resume

ALT 19% of librarians have “expert cord detangler” on their resume
15
139
6,266
Only 2% of librarians are surprised when they're informed about a conspiracy theory they didn't know existed
7
62
3,956
Just throw them in the fire to warm them up
1
2
43
4,236
We’re “checking” it
1
11
95
5,652
Librarians ignoring the “low toner” warning

ALT Puppet Awkward GIF

2
23
262
9,301
We’re more than happy to remind you
1
15
91
5,853
The two types of librarians during discussions of of the library HVAC
2
55
416
22,191
You can retire but you can never go home
27
3,783
Cheers everyone!
1
15
156
9,370
98% of books with a green cover are unavailable as they're being used for the library's book tree
48
317
11,779
How many books can your vehicle hold?
9
56
3,654
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…
2
26
121
6,963
28% of librarians really gift a lot of books because they're super easy to wrap

ALT 28% of librarians really gift a lot of books because they're super easy to wrap

1
15
100
5,284
Shhhh happens at the library after all
24
100
7,325
One at a time does not equal one serving
26
135
5,705
The other 10% don’t have one for other reasons
26
146
5,945
What you want to do when a patron says, "You’re not all volunteers?!

ALT Facepalm Embarrassed GIF

3
7
118
7,281
What else is the cover for?
1
27
117
5,717
Page three is the most important but it didn’t go through
1
15
97
5,598
It’s beginning to look a lot like…double cardigan season
2
23
155
7,908
The Hallmark Christmas Movie of fiction authors
Debbie Macomber Christmas books are 89% of public library book displays during December

ALT Debbie Macomber Christmas books are 89% of public library book displays during December

1
4
48
4,459
Just shut up
21
152
8,287
Please
1
23
175
6,373
Paper-based insomnia
21
93
4,373
And 100% are reaaaally late
1
11
80
4,275
The only thing a librarian likes more than reading is avoiding confrontation

ALT David Rose Schotts Creek GIF

1
18
175
7,163
On any given day a librarian will have 7 books checked out; 7 of which are overdue

ALT Excited Season 6 GIF by The Office

6
19
187
7,897
4
10
90
5,424
Why the librarian is crying: 15% no one came to their program 10% ran out of tea 75% other librarians

ALT Why the librarian is crying: 15% no one came to their program 10% ran out of tea 75% other librarians

4
24
197
9,916
2
46
3,643
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