Finally ready to post at least this. My experience with NicoENVT.
I did not assault Nico or anyone else. I do not abuse my animals. I take obsessive care of all 9 of them & I take offense to being called an abuser. It breaks my heart if my dog even yelps from an accidentally stepped-on toe. Losing 2 of my rabbits to GI failure & a severe thunderstorm was devastating. They are fed, watered, loved, & played with constantly. Spoiled actually.
I did not scam people & I did not mis-spend a legal fund. My finances are in order & are my & my supporters' business alone. I budgeted carefully for my VTuber models, art, hair & bills. Holding onto a $5k emergency fund isn't easy. Obsessively tracking my income is stalkerish. My private supporters & community already know exactly where my money goes. I watched you lie about your donation spending when we lived together, but I kept quiet because I wanted my friend to get her bag. You are just upset I am financially stable right now.
I did not dox Nicoโs name. Any time I shared a document to prove my case, I redacted every part of her name other than โNico.โ I did not call her job & I did not ask anyone to. I do not agree with that behavior.
I do not say slurs. I have a bad habit of using the r-word in reference to myself or frustrating situations, & while it occasionally slips out, I absolutely do not hurl it at others. My sex life, ex-partners, & roommates are none of your business. (Though going out of your way to make friends w/ a roommate we kicked out for not paying bills is incredibly weird behavior.)
I posted my redacted personal restraining order, plus the public records showing Nico failing to get restraining orders on me. They don't hand them out like candy. I spent $5,000 & years of pain to prove my NCO the first time. The second time, I was denied a continuance. Ultimately, I am glad I didn't get another NCO, because I can't keep spending 5k on a lawyer & feel Nico will never stop:
- Watching everything/most of what I do.
- Watching everyone/most everyone I am friends with.
- Intentionally commissioning the same VGen artists & YCHs. Or picking little pieces of my design for herself.
- Messaging ppl abt me.
- Thinking that I am obsessively watching her.
Nico has been blue & black themed for years, but in recent years started pushing purple hard. I've used purple & black since my SuccuKitten/Nyanppai VTuber days, & my IRL hair has been black & purple for years, while hers is still blue. I don't own colors, but the copying accusations are entirely backwards. I have even seen her add piercings I have in real life to her design & I see her commission artists/YCH well after me & could prove it with Vgen dates, but artists don't deserve to be dragged into things.
I get that since we like similar artists & styles the algorithm suggests the same creators sometimes. I never go out of my way to copy her. I personally feel that she does this, tho. But I just tried to chalk it up to "imitation is flattery & if it's a YCH it's a YCH." The only reason I am addressing this at all is because I am being accused of it. It's really not that deep.
History
We met when I was a minor. She rigged a wig giveaway so I would win because she was a fan on my FB page back then. (Yes, I was creating content since I was young af.) We were on-&-off friends for years, but I constantly had to remove her for shit-talking, spreading my private info, linking people to 4chan/lolcow threads, harassing my VRChat/Twitch streams, & who knows what else.
She weaponized my suicidal thoughts & self-harm, calling cops to my real address under the guise of "caring" to get me locked up. I believe it was about control. & I had no idea how she got my address. Yet I forgave her for this at least twice.
Around 2019, she invited me on a girlsโ trip w/ my former best friends. I was constantly sick & tired; later diagnosed w/ POTS, MCAS, & hEDS. They got mad I needed to nap, couldn't hardly go anywhere w/ them & mad I cuddled with the guy driving us around. After that trip, Nico started again & got me exiled from that friend group again.
In 2020, she came back apologizing. I was living in Oklahoma w/ that same guy to escape an abusive environment, & I asked him if she could stay w/ us. Agreeing to ask him to let her move in was the biggest mistake of my life. She at some point blocked me on Twitter so I wouldn't "steal her simps," yet accused me of copying her anytime our posts coincidentally aligned, such as both of us posting art. She would get mad if I talked to her about getting spoiled in happiness because I was "bragging." She could never just be happy for me. That always hurt cus I really somehow believed she was my best friend despite everything she did up to that point.
I walked on eggshells. She'd yell at me for doing dishes because it disturbed her insomnia, despite it being mid day. When a mutual friend drama pushed me into a severe crisis, I self-harmed & I had threatened them w/ my self harm. That was not OK & I was not OK. I have changed that behaviour since. But TRIGGER WARNING, while I had blood pouring down my legs & was on the phone w/ the cops begging for help, she screamed through my door that I was nasty, insane, & didn't deserve anything good. When I got out of the hospital, she love-bombed me by cleaning my room & doing my laundry & saying sorry again.
When our roommate kicked us & my 2 friends out to be w/ his fiancee, Nico found a trailer for us. I was dealing with severe chronic illness & never officially got on the lease, which she weaponized against me. Once, she randomly put her chocolate ice cream directly outside my door. I panicked because chocolate is lethal to my two large dogs trapped in my tiny room with me. I chucked the bowl across the living room to safely get them outside. She gave me an eviction notice the next day.
She also posted a โMy experience withโ thread about me because she was mad I posted screenshots of her harassing me in DMs back then, about 2022 or so.
During the eviction, she shut off my power & wifi while I tried to make moving arrangements, which I needed wifi to do at the time. When she โhelpedโ me move, multiple wigs, plushies, & all my kigurumis went missing.
My disabled mother helped me move because I could not drive a UHAUL & I hated that cus she was still healing from surgeries. Since 2022, I have been contacted almost every month because Nico brings me up. She sent bribery emails to get me to delete certain people. She even sent my lolcow thread to my mother. She projects all her worst behaviors onto me. Much like a cheater, they accuse you of cheating. I rarely speak her name, yet she brings me up obsessively to anyone who will listen.
This has been going on for over 10 years. I refuse the claims that I stalked, abused, or copied her. She has made it her mission to watch & hurt me, not realizing it just makes me stronger. I am genuinely afraid that a decade from now, she will still be trying to contact my future relationships & connections. I've even tried to disappear & use a new name & voice changer just to be myself & exist w/out her watching me. But she still found me. She TRIES to always find me.
Things I have done wrong
Self Harm & Suicidal Threats: This is my biggest regret. I regret each & every time in the past I have used my self harm against any of my friends or as a threat in any manner. No matter what reason I had or didn't have, I was very very mentally unwell & I have no excuses. I will explain though that I had self harmed & dealt with ideation & attempts since I was 10 years old. I am happy to say that this behaviour has stopped & that I have worked so so hard to heal it. I have been clean of self harm for over a year now & before that I was clean for about over 2 or 3 years. I have been really trying to get better with that & remain strong & never ever use that to hurt anyone. I never wanted to hurt anyone with it. My mental illness was so severe. & for this behaviour I will forever be sorry.
Slurs/Shit Talking: I had used the "T" slur in the past a handful of times. I was jealous & bitter & that is the only reason. I again have no excuse. It was disgusting & it has been years & years since I have used that word. I shit talked a few different friends, streamers & exes of mine. All in what I had assumed was a safe space with who I had naively believed to be my best friend. In my eyes, I was getting out all my most bitter thoughts in a safe space that was not ever meant to be seen by anyone else or hurt anyone else. Looking back, I wish I had used a diary & burnt things instead. & I still wish I never ever talked about anyone's identity or appearance when I did so. I have worked very hard on shit talking anyone, & even having those bad thoughts in general. I fight those thoughts back to this day even about people like Nico. I want to & probably should hate her but I still don't & still want her to heal & still try to rid myself of shitty thoughts or really any thoughts about her. I want to also say that Nico had said many shitty things or worse as well & would delete those messages & I guess screenshot whatever she could of mine to use against me. Also in regards to the R slur I have primarily used it against myself, or situations that I find dumb or frustrating. I do not use this slur towards anyone else. & if I have its been so long I dont even remember it.
Scamming/Mis-Using legal funds: I have never scammed anyone. In the past people had donated for certain content they didnt get/loaned me money & I had every intention of paying them back. Explain to me though how I can pay someone back who blocked me everywhere even when I have tried to reach out about money? I did not mis use the legal funds. I had the money saved & contacted my lawyer, but timing issues with continuances meant he couldn't take the case for the scheduled date. I used some of it on bills & a vehicle loan, then saved it again. The judge still denied another continuance. On the day of court I was extremely anxious, had brain fog, & forgot my evidence at home. I wasn't allowed to go get it. I am too anxious to represent myself & I don't want to keep spending 5 grand every few years on this.
Sharing court documents: I shared MY redacted restraining order documents that had already expired. Being that I am the victim I can post it when I wish. & I had enough grace to even show my old legal dead, first name. As far as the TWO FAILED restraining orders Nico attempted to get against me? Those are publicly available court records that I once again had the grace to redact before posting. None of what I posted doxxed anyone nor were they sealed documents or illegal to post.
I really am unsure of most of what is in the document because I haven't looked thru all of it. I am trying to address the most important points right now but I will address more later if I really really need to. I do have it documented & saved. I am a changing & growing person. I am different from who I was when I lived with Nico. & there is a lot that happened in over 10 years of friendship that you guys cannot see. I just want to exist & move on with my life. I have successfully been bullied into not trying to open up or make friends with too many people. I stay to myself mostly & am nice to those who are nice to me & other than that, I just try to work on myself & my content & my goals. Believe whatever you want about me. Do whatever you want with this information. I deeply regret a lot of the mistakes I have made over the years & I cannot undo them. But I REFUSE to live in the past.
I am still a flawed person & have made mistakes since moving away from Nico & will probably make more. But I am working so so hard to make so many less.
Final thoughts
I will be following up this post with some screenshots of Nicos behaviour & harassment towards me & then I will be done. I do not want to answer questions or engage in conversation about this matter. I have tried to move on with my life for years & do not wish to continue beating a dead horse.
Im so sorry again to anyone who has been harrassed, drug into this, or hurt by absolutely any part of this situation. Either by myself or Nico. I am sorry for anyone who I have anxiously contacted when you tried to leave. & I really hope everyone can just move on. & I really want you all to be happy, even you Nico.
This is me begging you to stop, Nico. Please heal. PLEASE move on. So many people have reached out about you finding their addresses, acquiring pictures of their rooms, & contacting their families over internet drama. Past friend groups refuse to even speak your name. This is super unhealthy.
Once I finish posting my side, I absolutely refuse to speak your name, speak about this situation, or ever address it again. You need to seriously move on. I ask that my peers move on & not allow my ex friendship to dictate ours.