God Creating Animals X Series. just some wholesome original content to brighten your day : )
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God: i’ve put together a team of baby animals.
Puppy: why?
God: the humans will see you and feel better.
Puppy: who’s on it?
God: you, kitten, baby duck, baby sea turtle & baby panda.
Puppy: what are we called?
God: the Awwvengers.
Puppy: [happy bark] Awwvengers Assemble!
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God: you’re a Blue Heron.
Blue Heron: actually I’m a Great Blue Heron!
God: why?
Blue Heron: i’m the best of all the Herons.
God: and you’re humble too!
Blue Heron: it’s not a competition but I’m winning : )
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God: you’re a mountain goat.
Mountain Goat: why am I called a mountain goat?
God: cause you’re a goat who lives in the mountains.
Mountain Goat: do you always name every animal so literally?
God: [crossing out Savannah Stretchy Neck and writing in Giraffe] n-no.
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God: you’re a honey badger.
Honey Badger: do I have thick skin?
God: yep, nothing can hurt you.
Honey Badger: bees?
God: no.
Honey Badger: snakes?
God: no.
Honey Badger: words?
God: only if you let them.
Honey Badger: [determined whisper] words can never hurt me.
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God: you’re a golden retriever.
Dog: and I play basketball!
God: uh-what?
Dog: I can dunk.
God: that’s not realistic.
Dog: shoot free throws.
God: no one is gonna believe that.
Unicorn: God please create me, I’m just a horse with a horn.
God:
Unicorn:
God: [to Dog] can you hit a step back 3?
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God: you’re a hippopotamus.
Hippo: what does that mean?
God: it means river horse.
Hippo: so I gotta let humans ride around on my back?
God: goodness no.
Hippo: whew.
God: yeah that would be silly and demeaning.
Horse: [eyes narrowed].
God: hey buddy why the long face?
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Walrus: i’m a walrus.
God: ok.
Walrus: I’m basically a sea lion.
God: ok.
Walrus: but with Saber-Toothed Tiger fangs.
God: w-what?
Walrus: and a big ole Tom Selleck mustache : )
God: [sigh] I knew create yourself day was a bad idea.
Flying Squirrel: [gliding by] WHEEE!!!!
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God: what name do you want?
Eagle: Bold Eagle!
God: [watching NBA playoff game] uh huh got it.
Eagle: you uh seem distracted.
God: [makes note] good to go.
[later]
Bald Eagle:
Gray Go Away Bird: could have been worse.
Bananaquit: he named me during lent lol
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Human: hey God what’s the deal with Aliens?
God: they’re just like you but not from Earth.
Human: really?
God: of course, in fact they would probably think you’re an Alien lol.
[later]
Human: hi!
Alien: AHHHHHHH AN ALIEN!
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Squirrel: one more time.
God: you’re a great climber.
Squirrel: got it.
God: stay in the trees.
Squirrel: will do.
God: stay out of the road.
Squirrel: no problem.
[10 mins later]
Squirrel: hi.
God: [pinching bridge of nose] you-
Squirrel: I ran in the road yes I did.
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Angel Receptionist: [over intercom] uh Boss your 3:45 is here.
God: Chicken? please send him in.
Angel: actually Egg is here too.
God: when is his appointment?
Angel: 3:45. I accidentally double booked them.
God:
Angel:
God: well who came first?
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God: you’re a cat.
Cat: I want the ability to climb up anything.
God: sure.
Cat: really?
God: done.
Cat: wait-what’s the catch?
God: I gave you EXACTLY what you asked for lol.
[later]
Cat: [stuck in a tree].
Dog: so why can’t you get back down again?
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God: you’re a moth.
Moth: ok!
God: you’re really into light.
Moth: nice!
God: I mean like REALLY into it.
[later]
Jesus: I am the light of the worl-
Moth: excuse Mr. Jesus?
Jesus: yes?
Moth: [passes note].
Jesus: [reading] do you like me? Check Yes or No.
Moth: : )
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God: you’re a lemon shark.
Lemon Shark: that sounds bad.
God: why?
Lemon Shark: no ones gonna wanna be friends with a lemon : (
God: um maybe offer them a gift.
Lemon Shark: [happy gasp] I know!
[later]
Great White: [holding a lemonade].
Lemon Shark: that’s for you : )
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