To be fully honest, this offseason is being a huge emotional roller-coaster. Despite remaining disciplined, consistent and improving my work I can't help but have a mix of being sad, afraid, worried and unfulfilled with the amount of questions that go through my head daily.
One day I'm preparing the split of my life with a great organization against huge opponents for the upcoming year. - Then suddenly it's all gone, my hard work feels like complete void and what seemed like progress just ended up being a setback. It feels like I lost all game/track progress and went back to Level 1.
Financial stability is a huge liability to remain unworried while working for a split/year without being paid.
Having received offers, it's insane to witness how little most organizations have to give despite some of the projects being interesting which makes me lose a lot of hope/motivation when 80+ applications have been forwarded a week ago with most rosters being locked for 2025.
Apart from all the negative part that has been fed recently due to future financial issues, I'm not crossing my arms, forfeiting or giving up on my dream to remain a full-time worker in Esports.
Will I be able to? I don't know, I'm terrified but one thing I can grant is that everything in my power will be given to display how passionate and hard working I've been in the scene for the past decade.
Personal advice for you guys out there even though I'm in a rough spot:
- Give everything you have. Be afraid, accept being afraid. But please, be fucking brave and don't give up unless it's an emergency. These are the moments you're supposed to be stronger and pursuit what you've always wanted. Don't fall into a bubble zone of "comfort" that turns into the most toxic liability in your life. Keep moving forward, don't stay still and accept you have to keep trying.
With this being said, yes, my hopes are in shambles but I'll still look for a project everyday, those
@LosRatoneslol reviews will keep being posted everyday, I'll still work my ass off everyday.
Thank you for reading my rant -