rubs my bald head with stress

Nearly every time i talk people get mad at me but if I stay silent the loneliness consumes me and my thoughts turn dark so I'm stuck in a cycle of trying to be loved and then getting stabbed in the heart.

I want so so badly to make friends and have a genuine connection with someone but every single person I have ever interacted with has been determined to be the biggest asshole I've encountered yet. What is this rotten luck.

My Daily Routine w ADHD: -Wake up -Do fucking nothing For 5 hours -Panic -Do stuff in a panic for 1-2 hours -Hyperfixate on doing one thing for 4 hours (the wrong thing) -Existential Dread -Make pact with myself to break out of this pattern tomorrow -repeat pattern tomorrow

The neurodivergent urge to stay awake long after you’re exhausted because nighttime is finally the only part of the day where nobody needs anything from you. No demands. No noise. No interruptions. Just you, your thoughts, and a few peaceful hours that actually feel like yours.