MY BIG POST ON WHY I PICKED THAT SILLY PURPLE BIRD AS MY KAMIOSHI - 💟 you ever feel like you somehow just were meant to be a part of somebody elses life, and they were meant to be a part of yours? thats how i feel about banzoin hakka. there are so many sides to him that i could seriously talk about him at great length for hours AND FOR ONCE MY CHECKMARK COMES IN HANDY FOR AN EXTENDED POST! initially i didnt even think i was going to be interested in him because i was still relatively new to vtubers (or at least to a serious extent). but i knew as soon as i heard his debut song, it was like something flipped over in my head. before this, i had been in a horrible place mentally. i was convinced i was a rotten disgusting monster that didnt deserve any mercy or to be around others in case i hurt them. it was like being stuck at the bottom of the ocean with no light, no people, no noise, nothing except the suffocating quiet and dark. but very slowly over time, getting to watch him grow too, i started to open my eyes again and look for a way out. his first menshi stream, i will never forget that he opened it in tears because he was so thankful that so many people wanted to support him and his family. i joined t5 menshi immediately, the very first t5 menshi member (you can see my old name marshal still at the end of the special thanks list in 'killing me') at that time i had never spent that amount of money in one go before on something that wasnt even a physical item but i felt that rush of "i believe in you" so strongly that i just did it and i never wanted to look back. i joined so many projects, led some, we created an ad in nyc, made the fan happi, sent him into space, made magazines, ive drawn more art of him than i have ever drawn for anyone else or of any of my own characters. i bought every piece of merch i could get my hands on, whether it meant paying extra for proxies or not. spent hours carefully arranging my collections with decor and risers because that was like art to me too. i sleep every single night with the travel blanket, i use the conbini bag when i go shopping (which isnt even something i could ever face doing before), i fall asleep to almost every stream even if i dont say anything because no matter if hes yelling, quiet, happy, sad, its comforting to be in his presence alongside everyone else. there have been times where i have been so hurt and upset by people in these communities that ive wanted to turn away and leave. but i could never do that because it would mean turning away from him too and i just cant do that. i cant even explain why i couldnt, it doesnt logically make any sense but i just couldnt! maybe its stupid or dumb or naiive and maybe ill feel sad sometimes but it doesnt change anything. im still here and ill always be here unless asked to leave. this is what a kamioshi means to me. to treasure someone and to believe in them and let them push you forwards and for you to push them forwards. hakka is kind, generous, goofy, warm, he is everything you feel when you stand in the soft sun outside right before summer starts. its like being enveloped in a hug. he can draw, cook, bake, he is very intelligent especially in fields like music and his empathy is on a level i havent seen before. he is considerate of every person he meets, of all languages and backgrounds. but most of all, he is human. he hurts and cries and gets frustrated and tired like us. thoughts eat him alive. pressure stacks up. but isnt it the same feeling for us too? we all love him so dearly and ive spoken to many hakkito who get so sad knowing he is hurting. if i could take all that hurt and fear and shoulder it for him, i would without hesitation as i know many of us would. he will never be alone. we believe in him, we love him, and i know im exactly where i belong when i stand beside him 🔅