Honestly I'd prefer to never go viral, the thought of millions of fucktards liking me is extremely unsettling

Unmatched, kiss my ass

"Update your phone" fine print: "ʷᵉʳᵉ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵍⁱᵛⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃᵖᵖˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ˢʰⁱᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿᵗ ʷᵃⁿᵗ"

To all you dumbfucks out there, I want you to know I support you, even more than the arms of your mother that clearly dropped you on your head 🫶🏻

Don't like your own replies shit for brains-- the idea that being correct is a popularity contest concretizes your retardation

Steak egg and cheese bagel I made for myself earlier this morning, paper plate because I'm not a pretentious fuck pretending to be a great cook

Honesty is my greatest virtue, yet my biggest problem

If you're seeing this, I hope you're having an awesome day, also fuck you

Sweet

If we could keep language as well defined as mathematical concepts, that would solve a shit ton of problems-- but nooo, instead of creating new words, people have to keep fucking with the meaning of words, while adding a metric shit ton of their own emotional baggage to them, making coherent communication difficult. It's beyond fucking dumb

I was told told as a young child that woman exist to separate the morons from rational men with integrity... always sounded quite ambiguous to me, how do you interpret it?

G'night, hope you get a good night's rest fucker

Sometimes X starts feeling like high-school, which is legitimately fucking retarded

I just learned something Interesting, the Titanic had a swimming pool and it's still filled with water

Doubt has killed far more dreams than failure ever could-- it's important to keep in mind absolute perfection neither exists nor is necessary

Thinking about something like this for Faturday. Yay or nay?

Thank God it's Fucking Friday! Have an awesome one 🤙🏻👊🏻

Good night fuckers, love ya...a lil bit, maybe 🫶🏻

Bro, I'm sorry...the chick that likes your replies doesn't actually give 2 fucks about you, let alone know who the fuck you are 😂🤣