My Kitchenaid mixer is not living up to its full potential.

I bet Salem is beautiful this time of year.

Eating salt and vinegar chips just to feel something.

X is being mean to me. Did I say something I'm not supposed to?

I glad iTunes doesn't have a wellness check. "You've listened to this song 18 times in a row." I'm working on something. "Well, we thought you were dead. So..."

Does Blimpie still exist?

Oh, Detroit Lions.

All right, Scruggs. Shake it off. Let’s go.

All right, Lions secondary. It’s time to prove something.

Guys, Russian plague was totally on my 2026 bingo card and I feel vindicated because I’m ONE AWAY!!!

I got my sneeze from my father. In both intensity and volume.

Cultures should be judged by their cheese. Cheeses should be judged by their culture.

Yes. Watching movies is hard. In this scene, they did an excellent job in making it look like there was going to be an elevator fight 2.0 and then they subvert the expectation. But Steve is on a mission to recover the scepter. He's not there to start fights or right wrongs. He knows the games and plays it. It's almost like there was character growth. He uses his brain instead of his brawn. I hope you get better at understanding storytelling.

What China doesn’t know is that a pumpkin spice nicotine pouch would allow them to conquer the West.

Well, he DID get into a slap fight at the Council of Nicaea.

Oliver Platt appreciation post

It’s possible Cam Skettebo isn’t a real person.

I had a dream last night that a bunch of Trump impersonators were all in room together and decided to play "Marry, Nuke, Kill." And I laughed.

The former staff:

Tries to get burger on my way to work McDonald’s: We’re not serving lunch yet. Okay, well, this is why you’re failing.