Mark Alken is a man of focus, commitment, and sheer fucking will.

Wherever the action is.
Oh dear God in Heaven, there are oh so many ways for me to say this. No! Nyet! Nein! Never! Nunca! Negatory! Absolutely not! Not in a million years! No way Jose! No chance Lance! And of course my personal favorite, man falling off of cliff. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *pause* *Pff*
At this point, does Nick Sirianni deserve to be an nfl coach?
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Smooth move Nick. Other coaches around the league are using you as a prime example of what NOT to do.
#Panthers HC Dave Canales said it was impossible to ignore all the game-management mistakes teams made Sunday while Carolina was on its bye. They’ll show everything to their guys this week and make sure they learn from other teams’ mistakes.
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No shit Sherlock
“I didn’t make the right decision and I lost us that game.” — Nick Sirianni
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What TF kind of play call was that? Spacing is so janky on that.
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My top 3 are Grant Udinski, Declan Doyle, and Nate Scheelhaase. Also any one that would've been 7th on their list (Puppet HCs), College coaches, and retreads are all automatic nos from me.
So if Nick were to get canned, who would you want as the next HC?
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ALT Confused Harry Potter GIF

Lane Johnson (personal) is questionable for today's game.
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Why why why do they insist on running that screen pass to Lemon off the orbit motion? It never fucking works
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The Chargers a top 5 fanbase?
“Justin Herbert has no support!” • 1st-round WR • 1st-round RB • Two 2nd-round WRs • 1st-round LT • 1st-round RT • National title-winning HC • Hottest OC hire of the cycle • Top-five fanbase in football How much more help does he need?
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Is that a trick question?
Who is the most disrespected player in the NFL?
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Oh it's easy to understand why you resort to hypotheticals. Because for you...
Remember: Eagles fans are being logically fallacious when they assume a premise is invalid purely on the grounds of it being a hypothetical. When a hypothetical makes them uncomfortable, rather than address the idea being tested, they dismiss it entirely. Call out the Bulverism.
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If they had the real Chris Hansen cameo as the officer in the ghillie suit from that one episode of To Catch a Predator or a reference to the stale brownies, then I would die laughing.
Lance Oppenheim’s PRIMETIME starring Robert Pattinson as famed To Catch a Predator host Chris Hansen. In theaters this Fall.
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Man what a biggity bitch.
Last week on Nick Foles’ podcast, Richard Sherman said that Kevin Patullo - who’s good friends with Ryan Fitzpatrick - told Fitzpatrick that “People are just so hard on me and it's not my fault and they don't know the inner workings” (h/t @kb_973)
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Well that was an anticlimactic ending.
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As an Eagles fan

ALT Dr Evil Cry GIF

I’ll say it. Fire Andy Reid. And if the next HC that doesn’t make the playoffs with Pat Mahomes… Fire him. If you don’t make the playoffs with the most talented QB in NFL history, you’ve got to go.
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Even Stevie Wonder can see what the issue is. Didn’t think Fredo would find a way to top 2023, but by the Gods he’s managed it.
Nick Sirianni: "If I knew exactly what it was, and everything that it was, we'd have fixed it. But right now we're still searching. Lot of football left to play. We're 8-4 right now. Lot of football left to play."
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Big Dom needs to organize an "accident" for Patullo. FTFY.
Big Dom needs to organize a Lurie Patullo chat next
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Looks like these Cowboys have yee'd their last haw. This division belongs to Philly.
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Thank you everyone for the support!! Surgery went well. I just want to thank the city of Philly for taking the best care of me. Every moment I spent in the hospital with family and friends I felt loved and supported in every way❤️ thank you to the doctors, surgeons, and staff that did their best work on me. This is just the beginning of my journey and I can’t wait to show you guys all about it!!! GOD has a plan for me , stick the course and it will all work itself out , BRB 🫡 #LFG
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He’s playing a football game not deploying to Benghazi.
Multiple #Giants players have been advising Jaxson Dart to help him handle the hostility he’ll face from #Eagles fans at the Linc for the first time. Daniel Bellinger says he told him: “You know you got to stick close to your brothers in the locker room, just kind of stay as tight as one group because that team and that fan base, they're going to get a little gritty on the sidelines.. Focus on you, focus on the team and stick together and not worry about the outside noise.” Darius Slayton’s message to Dart: “If he didn't have any haters, he's about to find where they all live.”
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