Iowa guy married into an Irish family. Dry one-liners on whatever the internet's losing it over, and a small story a day. Follow for tomorrow's.
Ireland 🇮🇪
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Chappell Roan, then PinkPantheress. At this point the setlist is just her contacts.
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Back home, a goodbye takes 45 minutes and ends at the car.
Americans call slipping out unnoticed an "Irish goodbye."
Then I heard my wife's mammy end a phone call.
"Bye. Bye bye. Bye. Bye bye bye."
Nobody here has ever left anywhere unnoticed.
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Declan, over the hedge: "How's she cutting?"
I said the mower was fine. Bit dull on the blade.
He meant how am I.
Back home it's "How's it goin'?" Here it's "she," and nobody will tell me who she is.
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Ireland. The Centra deli. "What's the story?"
So I told him. Friday through Sunday, with detail.
He only meant hello.
Four people in the queue now want to know how the gutter thing ends.
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Before pumpkins, the Irish carved turnips for Halloween.
Declan next door still does one every year.
I tried it. Forty minutes, two spoons, one blister. It looks like a worried potato.
No wonder the emigrants saw an American pumpkin and never looked back.
Turnip or pumpkin?
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Ireland. Late October. The green in our estate.
Monday, one pallet.
By Friday, forty pallets, a door and a three-seater couch.
The council came Saturday and took the lot.
Sunday morning, a new couch. Nicer than ours.
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The wife's mammy cut me a slice of barmbrack.
Fruit bread, thick with butter, and a ring baked in somewhere.
Find the ring and you'll be married within the year.
I'm already married. I've never chewed anything so carefully in my life.
Settle this: is a ring in the bread a tradition or a lawsuit?
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Irish weather forecast: sunny spells and scattered showers.
Every single day.
And somehow it's right every single day.
Back home we'd call that hedging.
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Sixteen thousand likes in an hour. I posted my new snowblower and got two, one of them from my wife.
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Drove twelve hundred miles and she still wasn't real. Should've checked if she had hands.
Bricklayer, 49, travels 1,200 miles for dream girl - only to discover she's AI-generated trib.al/3CcGOfk
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A movie just became the highest-rated film of all time on Letterboxd.
4.8 out of 5. Higher than The Godfather.
Where I'm from, the top score for anything is "it wasn't bad."
A 4.8 means a grown man cried in front of his brother-in-law.
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Finally, a Batman who knows the real villain is the price of petrol.
A man dressed as Batman recently gave away over £1000 worth of fuel to people in London amid rising prices:
“People need to know that they can be a hero, you don’t need to be super to be a hero,” he told ITV News.
(tiktok.com/@londonsbatman)
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Taco Bell is opening cafes that sell alcoholic Baja Blast.
Vegas first, then California, then Indiana.
Back in Iowa we've been making that with a Casey's cup and a flask since 2009.
We just never thought to charge for it.
Genius or a cry for help?
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A song called 'expectations' debuts at number three. My wife says that's still higher than where she set hers for me.
‘expectations’ by Olivia Rodrigo & Chappell Roan debuts at #3 on the US Spotify chart with 1.69 million streams.
It also debuts at #4 on the Global Spotify chart with 4.59 million streams.
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Liam Gallagher says Fontaines D.C. don't have the tunes to open for Oasis.
I asked the man behind me in the chipper queue what he made of it.
He took a long look at the menu board.
"Notions," he said.
I've been home an hour and I still don't know which band he meant.
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Steve Kerr's face here is exactly mine the day a man in a Mullingar pub told me I was 'the image of' someone he knew. I went over to meet him. He was 74.
Steve Kerr was in disbelief after seeing his doppleganger at the game. This is insane. 😂
(via @TedBuddy8)
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Tesla unveiled a Roadster that can fly.
I showed the video to my father-in-law in Offaly.
He watched it twice without saying a word.
Then he asked could it pull a trailer of turf.
My mother-in-law just asked was it dry up there.
Flying car or a trailer of turf?
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My in-laws watch #CelebrityTraitors like a tribunal.
My mother-in-law had the traitor picked by the first ad break.
Her husband suspects everyone, including the castle.
I said in Iowa we trust a man till he borrows the truck.
I was banished from the sofa by a unanimous vote.
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