Modern 🇮🇱 Talmud
@ModernTalmud

What if the Talmud were written today? New-world comedy 🤝 Old-world teachings. Feel free to tweet your own! DM or ModernTalmud@gmail.com

 Chelm
Joined July 2017
2,196 Photos and videos
Congregant: Rabbi, I have a strong desire to live forever. What should I do? Rabbi: Join Twitter. Congregant: And will I live forever? Rabbi: No, but the desire will disappear.
118
538
3,134
369,967
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly the hadassim into the lulav holder.
2
113
Love this place 😍
2
2
16
424
A sukkah, much like a parachute, functions only when it is open 🤔
11
362
Baruch Atah Hashem Elokieinu Melech HaOlam Mechayeh HaMeitim ejewishphilanthropy.com/sunk…

Sunkist says it will bring back beloved Fruit Gems after national outcry following eJP report

‘We hear you, Sunkist Fruit Gems fans!’ the company wrote, saying it had found a new manufacturer for the kosher synagogue staple

ejewishphilanthropy.com
7
9
258
11,253
What’s your favorite song about Tel Aviv
7
12
1,047
6
5
76
1,448
More like “Somebody Wants Publicity”
18
11
161
2,473
Thinking about starting a lulav binding business. If you want to help, give me a ring.
3
1
29
902
BREAKING: Two IDF reservists die by killer drone explosion in Gaza: Sgt. Maj. (res.) Nadav Kali z"l, 24, from Har Halutz in the central Galilee Sgt. Maj. (res.) Ofek Moalem z"l, 23, from Jerusalem Baruch Dayan Emet. May their memories be a blessing.
2
19
532
Bringing a lulav to Israel is like bringing sand to the beach
7
3
49
1,144
The amount of sinat chinam I felt after a flight to Israel with a bunch of Jews was sadly enough to bring down the Third Temple
9
2
65
4,898
Rabboisai, if you’re delaying a flight because you won’t sit next to a woman, I promise you that the chilul Hashem you’re doing far outweighs mixed seating
18
14
310
8,941
This putz then had the chutzpah to ask the flight attendant why we were on the runway so long and if we had missed our takeoff window. Hashem blessed me with the strength to bite my tongue and not say “Yeah, because of you playing musical chairs, you moron.”
1
11
425
In light of the Sunkist Fruit Gem news, I’m bringing this joke back (which maybe helps explain why they’re being discontinued)
Modern 🇮🇱 Talmud
@ModernTalmud
4 Sep 2022
HAS ANYONE EVER SEEN THESE OUTSIDE A SHUL
3
1
28
1,461
😁
13
50
784
Wanna hear a joke about kriyah? Never mind. It's tearable.
1
1
19
981
Jon Stewart is a self-hating JINO who didn’t even know what the blue square alliance was. That’s how clueless he is. Screw him and his woke agenda.
The Daily Show
@TheDailyShow
Sep 22
Legendary agent @AriEmanuel shares how he would handle the tour controversy involving Ed Sheeran, Macklemore, and Robert Kraft, and how he tackles contentious conversations with powerful people like Elon Musk
14
12
187
21,930
Our Yom Kippur cantor entered shul and immediately hid. Good chazans are hard to find.
4
2
27
1,072
The left side of my chest is really sore for some reason. Anyone else?
17
3
41
2,260
The only Conversing allowed during Yom Kippur davening
1
1
30
927
Load more