Cofounder of @PaletteSwapMag | Filmmaker | I talk about Monk and Owen Wilson too much

If your profession wouldn’t make sense in the Gilligan’s Island theme song—professor, movie star, Mary Ann—then it’s not a real job.
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Finally getting around to this one
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Jake retweeted
Folks probably shouldn’t have turned a stalker pedophile into an Epic Meme
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Finally getting around to this one
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“There’s nothing good on YouTube anymore”
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When you’re right you’re right
Amazon users are discovering a bizarre "About You" page that reveals what the company thinks it knows about them One woman found Amazon had determined she "has flat buttocks"
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Jake retweeted
I like the part of Come Together when they say “He’s got feet down below his knees” cause I’m like phew that’s exactly where knees should be I was worried it was gonna be something freaky again like the juju eyeballs
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daisy buchanan: aw fuck i accidentally killed my husband’s mistress. Well it’s a good thing that the only witness was the man who’s been all-consumingly obsessed with me for both of our adult lives doctor t.j. eckleburg:
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Jake retweeted
Yes officer, I was speeding, but you have to understand that I was listening to Badlands by Bruce Springsteen really, really loud
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Jake retweeted
lets be :[ with mama ❤️❤️❤️
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Who's your favorite bird?
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Encountered an employee at a store today who didn’t want to give me my pickup order bc my ID says Jacob and he thought that and Jake were two different, unrelated names
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rage consumes me
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First swim lesson for Couscous, the little blue penguin chick! 👏 💦 🐧
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Downloaded the audiobook version of the new Stephen King bc I’ve got some travel coming up this month. Very jarring that it’s read by Patton Oswalt
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06 Oct 2026
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YOUR ATTENTION REQUIRED! baby is unsure how to enter building and falls over
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Jake retweeted
쪼꼬마한 굴뚝새가 신발 안에 둥지를 틀었어
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Jake retweeted
Life imitates art! Or... does art imitate life? I do not know... BUT, I do know that THIS is one cute and adorable painting! 🎨
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Jake retweeted
Bugs Bunny threatening Elmer Fudd:
I really don't think you are ready for this doc
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