'The Flying Eye'. Professional Celebrant. Author, Broadcaster. Founder The Midday Show. Founder of The Espresso Bar Facebook Group. Stand-Up

London UK
I am still shaking from a soul-crushing Uber ride today in Dublin. It started with "Where are you from?" I said Iran, and the driver's face lit up as he thought he'd found a partner in his hate. He looked at me and said, "It must be crushing what the f***ing Israelis are doing to your country." ​The moment I pushed back, the moment I told him the truth, that I support Israel and want to see the regime in Iran fall, he erupted in pure rage. ​He began screaming about his uncle's high rank in the IRA, glorifying terror as a "success story" to justify the total erasure of Israel. To be trapped in a car with that level of brainwashed vitriol, being shamed and attacked for defending the Jewish people, is a burden I can't describe. ​Being Iranian is so incredibly taxing. You spend your life fighting the regime that destroyed your home, only to have strangers weaponise your identity to justify their antisemitism. To my Jewish friends: I see the hate you face. I will never stop standing with you, no matter how much it costs. 🇮🇱🦁☀️
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My latest cartoon for tomorrow's @Telegraph Buy a print of my cartoons at telegraph.co.uk/mattprints Original artwork from chrisbeetles.com
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This is Sean Egan. He joined Morrisons at the age of 17. After 29 years of dedication at supermarket chain, he was dismissed for confronting a shoplifter, which led to a scuffle with thief who spat at him. A shameful decision by @Morrisons. He should be thanked, not sacked.
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Ooft! Diane Abbott just ended Keir Starmer political career. "Knowing Peter Mandelson's history, going back 30 years, it's one thing to say 'nobody told me', the question is WHY DIDN'T THE PM ASK?" When Diane Abbott, of all people, has the moral high ground, you know it's over
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My latest cartoon for tomorrow's @Telegraph Buy a print of my cartoons at telegraph.co.uk/mattprints Original artwork from chrisbeetles.com
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Scumbag
TfL Tube driver suspended after saying Jews are 'not safe' while he's driving Bakerloo line trib.al/pfLcmOS
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I hope you’re well, tomorrow would have been Queen Elizabeth’s one hundredth birthday, bless her, since she has passed it seems to me that the Great has gone from Great Britain, God Save The Queen.🇬🇧
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Why did David Lammy meet up with Alex Soros in Barcelona? charlottecgill.co.uk
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I'm often asked as a Celebrant which areas of the UK I cover. I will travel to wherever I am required. Today I'm travelling to Whitstable to conduct a memorial service, so if you see a man in a three-piece suit on the beach and think "he's a bit overdressed," that'll be me.

ALT Mr-bean Scared-of-water GIF

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Artemis II Christina Koch rehabilitating after 10 days in space. Imagine how hard it’s gonna be after 300+ days on long durations space missions.
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Phone thief caught in Margaret Street, London. More of this please!
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So apart from trying to give away the Chagos islands. Recognising Palestine. 13 ministerial resignations. Showing full confidence in Morgan McSweeney, Peter Mandelson, Sue Gray and Lord Ali. Blaming the far right for an island of strangers. 16 Policy U turns and rising. Having no operable warships. Not smashing the gangs. Approving a huge Chinese embassy in London. Spending 23 seconds laying a wreath in Southport only to rush back to a drinks party. Appointing an anti Muslim hostility tsar. Raising income tax. Raising inheritance tax. Raising national insurance. Raising capital gains tax, Raising council tax. Raising value added tax. Raising mansion tax. Increasing welfare spending and the minimum wage whilst freezing tax allowances. Scrapping jury trials. The only boat he has stopped is HMS dragon from crossing the channel. What has Starmer really achieved apart from breakfast clubs and the decay of our country?
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🔴Look at what the IDF found inside a school in Lebanon.
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"Not flat, we checked" -- NASA
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If we simply rename the English Channel “Keir Starmer’s desk” then nothing will fucking cross it
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The 15th of April is a sad date in British comedy history. On this day we lost three of our greatest - Arthur Lowe in 1982, Tommy Cooper in 1984 and Kenneth Williams in 1988. Remembering them all today with a huge nostalgic smile.
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MUST WATCH: Video shows the exact moment Kirk Moore, principal of Pauls Valley High School in OK, tackled and disarmed a would-be school shooter. His man's heroic actions protected the lives of everyone in that school. He is an American HERO!
Nick Sortor
WOW. Kirk Moore, the Principal of Pauls Valley High School in Oklahoma, was injured after he TACKLED a would-be school shooter. Moore suffered a gunshot wound to the leg but was able to subdue the shooter and prevent further casualties. This man is a HERO.
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Newly released surveillance video just dropped showing the exact moment a 20-year-old coward walked into Pauls Valley High School, Oklahoma with two pistols screaming he wanted “to do another Columbine.” His first target? Principal Kirk Moore. Instead of hiding or waiting for SWAT, this absolute sheepdog charged straight at the gunman. Took a bullet to the leg, ripped the pistol out of the shooter’s hands, and pinned that piece of garbage to the floor. Evil walked through the front doors looking for headlines. A real American hero put it down in seconds. This is exactly what we mean when we say we need more men like Kirk Moore. Give that principal a damn medal. 🇺🇸
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"I can't stand innuendo. If I see one in a script I whip it out immediately." The late great comedy actor, wit and raconteur Kenneth Williams died this day 1988. A hero who I was proud to meet and who exceeded all expectations
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New footage shows Arkansas principal Kirk Moore lunging at a school shooter, helping save students’ lives. A real hero
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