You will compliment someone's cat when you meant to compliment their hat. You will freeze on a word you know perfectly well in writing. This is normal. This is what learning to actually speak looks like.
Most self taught Japanese learners study alone for years, take a trip, get disappointed, then quit. The trip did not prove anything was wasted. It just proved you skipped the speaking half of the work.
Once a clerk realizes you can actually hold a sentence, they often switch back to Japanese mid conversation. The English default is a kindness, not a wall. It bends the moment you give it a reason to.
You told your boss you're quitting so nobody has to deal with you anymore. Instead of saying yes, they said: take some time off. If you're depressed in Japan and feeling guilty about that, this one's for you.
Keep seeing your doctor too. If you need support in English, TELL Lifeline offers counseling in Japan. And if you ever feel unsafe with your own thoughts, contact emergency services or a crisis line right away.
Abroad, coworkers are often your whole social world, so leave can get lonely fast. SewaYou is a map-based way to find people nearby or worldwide, for a slow coffee or just a chat. sewayou.com/download?utm_sou…