Well … first things first. I’m sorry. Regardless of the circumstances, simply vanishing off this network in January 2024 would have deeply disappointed a lot of you. I can only apologise, and off the back of that I honestly don’t blame any of you for thinking the worst. If you kept on following me on Facebook, you would know that I had what I can only describe as a full-on breakdown. I should have tackled it head-on at the time, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. For what it’s worth, the most accurate (in my view) article about everything that happened is bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c77l… (mainly because it took Essex Live ELEVEN MONTHS to update their own viral article with my version of events). I also covered everything in detail with @PaulMaleary in a video at piped.video/wnXYOH7e_QM?si=GQ5N… I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t a thousand other versions of what happened out there, including me having to flee the UK to Thailand as it was all a government psyop conspiracy, man. Feel free to believe whatever you want to believe, but I’m back to reassure you all that I’m still in South Essex, not South f*****g Bangkok. Impersonation on here was becoming an issue as well, so I know - I’m a hypocrite for restarting on X after slating it left, right and centre. Nobody’s perfect. Like I said, believe what you want to believe. All I’ll add is that I’m not typing this on a mobile that I’ve smuggled up my chocolate starfish into Wormwood Scrubs. That’s not to say that I haven’t made mistakes though. No illusions about that. Some of my antics on this network were utterly cringeworthy. What’s done is done. I’ve waffled enough now. Nobody likes a self-indulgent ramble and enough of you hate me as it is. Again, I don’t blame anyone for taking a dim view all things considered, but at least I haven’t deactivated (and I don’t mean in the social media sense), which was clearly the goal for a very small but dedicated group of people. Much love to you all, lovers and haters regardless xxx

This isn’t just a ‘swing,’ it’s a full-blown Donald and Jacqueline.

Not my mayor, but MY MAYOR!

All joking aside, I do feel for fans of Manchester City, and in particular those who have followed them for decades. Unlike their owners of unlimited wealth, they’ve been ploughing a significant proportion of their income into supporting their team, and through no fault of their own it could all get taken away from them. Hate the club all you want, but no fan deserves that.

Enzo Maresca at Man City training earlier this afternoon …

To quote the legendary Carmine Lupertazzi Jr, the Premier League are now at the precipice of an enormous crossroads. Man City are guilty of 114 charges (pending appeal), and just giving them flimmyflammy fines that they can pay from their unlimited wealth will not only completely destroy any credibility that they have to run the league, but will also lead to the other 19 clubs (especially those already docked points) launching a mutiny. So, they simply must dock points at the very least, and again any attempts to minimise this will force other previously punished clubs to launch legal action of their own. Relegation will risk the TV companies slashing bids and funding because they’re losing one of the ‘big six’ in the world’s most lucrative TV rights package, so I can’t see it happening at all, and so stripping titles may be far more palatable for all concerned (as long as Spurs don’t benefit from the 2016-17 season, because f**k that for a game of toy soldiers). Therefore, I reckon a ‘non-fatal’ points deduction for this or next season, a massive fine (maybe with a stipulation that a hefty chunk goes into grassroots), and some stripped titles will be the most likely outcome. Money talks, and a transfer ban will just be ‘bad for the game’ anyway if it slows the massive money merry go round at the very top. But what do I know anyway?

BREAKING: Premier League confirms that as a result of Man City being found guilty of 114 of their 115 charges, Everton will shortly be docked 20 points.

Now grow a f*****g pair and relegate the cheats!!!!!

If you want to accuse me of keeping the £393k intended for the RNLI, just accuse me of keeping the £393k intended for the RNLI FFS …

OFFICIAL STATEMENT - Yesterday, I made a serious mistake while trying to register the domain name helpdanny.org, and instead of directing all web traffic from it towards an appeal to help the recently arrested Danny Tommo, all visitors were sent to my RNLI appeal for The Flying Farage instead and it’s jumped up to £397,173. Upon realising my mistake, I tried to log back into the control panel provided by the domain name company, but I couldn’t find the piece of paper that I wrote the password on. Upon further investigation, I learned that my eight-year-old had turned it into a paper plane and it had flown out of the back door and into the garden, where a waiting badger picked it up and then ran off to use it as bedding in his sett. They can be quite vicious apparently so I didn’t want to try and get it back in case it scratched me, and so I’ve been trying to guess the password. I’m pretty certain that it’s 26 random characters long but with the word ‘frenulum’ in the middle, but until I’ve figured it out the domain name will have to take people to my RNLI appeal instead. Thanks for your understanding in this matter.

‘Heard you defrauded a council mate.’ Any evidence it was fraud then? ‘Nah but it must have been innit.’ OK then.

Please help if you can. Thank you. DONATE - helpdanny.org

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I think it’s time to change the way I behave on here because I spend far too much time posting content that is designed to wind up right-wing types. Therefore, from this point forward, I promise not to do this anymore. A fresh start.

Not really. You asked some questions, I answered them, you didn’t like the answers, and eventually I got bored and muted you as my time is limited. Amongst other projects, I volunteer in a role for children and have full DBS clearance to do so, unlike some in this screenshot.

Love it when people come at me with this. The only person who has actually ever called me a comedian with any sort of conviction was Lee Anderson. Any queries? Give him a bell.

Imagine leaving c***y replies on my posts and actually believing I’ll take the time to read them 😂😂😂

If you block an ambulance or any other emergency service, or if you abuse RNLI volunteers or crew, you should be locked up. I said what I said.

Bloody hell Lufthansa …

BREAKING: GB News confirmed as UK’s Number One tv news channel by GB News.

£45 per head sounds very reasonable to be fair. Some of these festive party packages can be extortionate.