Letter
Dear Mindy,
I’m 25 in Detroit. I’ve been dating a 71-year-old man for eight months. He pays for everything. Apartment, car note, my nails, trips. He says I’m the only one who actually listens to him. His kids won’t speak to him. My friends say I’m disgusting. My mama said if I bring him to Thanksgiving she’s leaving. I love how he treats me. He wants me to quit my job and move in. Am I wrong?
Young in Detroit
Your answer
Young in Detroit, I am not calling you disgusting. I am calling him what he is.
A 71-year-old who needs a 25-year-old on his arm did not wake up decent at 70. That appetite had a younger target before you were legal. The same slimy old men who call a 25-year-old “mature for her age” are the ones who, ten years earlier, were calling a 15-year-old sexy and daring anybody to flinch. The number moved. The man did not.
I put predators away. I know the script. He pays for the apartment, the car note, the nails, the trips. He says you are the only one who listens. His own children will not speak to him. Believe the children. They already lived the version of him you are dating.
Eight months and he wants you jobless and moved in. That is not love. That is a lock. A woman with her own check leaves on a Tuesday. A woman whose whole life runs through his account leaves when he allows it. At 71 the questions are medical, estate, and who holds the pen when he cannot. If your name is on nothing, you are a guest. If your name is on everything, his kids will sue you, and they watched this pattern longer than you have.
Here is the standard. Keep the job. Keep your own door. Do not quit, do not co-sign, do not hand him your bank, your phone, or your mama. If the sweetness dies the day you say no, it was a purchase. Men who shop that far down in age are not done shopping. You are 25. You are not the floor. You are just the age he can still get away with.
You are grown. Date him if you want. Do not lie to yourself about what kind of man shops for a girl young enough to be his granddaughter. High standards are how you still have a life at 35.
Real questions. Straight answers. High standards. Dear Mindy.