England hosts the Ballon d'Or for the first time. Spain walks off with Young Talent, Coach of the Year and Best Goalkeeper. We do the catering, they take the trophies. Very on brand for both countries.

16 points on my bench in GW8. Sixteen. The FPL gods don't punish bad picks, they punish bad bench order. GW9 job number one: stop leaving points in the dugout. £2.0m in the bank and Haaland's armband isn't going anywhere.

Declan Rice 15th. Jude Bellingham 11th. England's two best midfielders outside the top 10, at a ceremony held in London. Not even home advantage could help us. (via @TheAthleticFC)

Haaland's in the Ballon d'Or top 10 and on 78% of FPL teams. The other 22% are either geniuses or selling a premium by Saturday. Brighton in GW9. The armband conversation is a short one.

Whether Carrick stays or goes barely matters until United work out who actually makes the decisions. Director of football, CEO, two sets of owners. That's not a structure, that's a group chat.

Mbeumo owners, myself included, are refreshing Sky Sports News like it's deadline day. My GW9 call: hold. Chelsea away isn't pretty, but a managerial change is as likely to spark him as sink him, and selling before the dust settles is how you end up watching him haul for your mini-league rival.

GW8 final: 44 points, one under the average, and overall rank slips to 174k. Kinsky got 9 on my bench while Verbruggen got 2. Sixteen points sat on the bench in total. Konsa's 14 and Haaland's 16 as captain did the heavy lifting, and Palmer's -1 did the opposite. £2.0m in the bank for Saturday's 11am deadline.

Ballon d'Or in London tonight and Harry Kane's the favourite. First Englishman since Michael Owen in 2001, if it happens. All it took was leaving Spurs, winning the Bundesliga and turning 33. Tottenham's trophy cabinet sends its regards.

Calafiori owners, brace. No sign of him in Arsenal's training photos (via @FPL_Harry) and they're off to Anfield. João Pedro's on 75% too and 250k managers have already sold. I'm holding both until the pressers. £2m in the bank, Haaland keeps the armband at home to Brighton. Nothing rash before Friday.

Konsa might be the best £4.7m in FPL right now. 3 clean sheets, a goal, 39 points, 14 of them this week. Still under 20% owned. Liverpool away on Sunday is the real test, but it's hard to see me selling him.

Respect Orders start today: breach one and you can get up to two years in jail. Tough talk from a government that started letting prisoners out early in 2024 because the jails were full. So where exactly are these people going, Shabana?

GW9 early call: no hits. Calafiori and João Pedro both on 75% in my side, and with cup games midweek we get double pressers to find out more. Haaland keeps the armband. Deadline Saturday 11am. #FPL

Andy Burnham has ruled out rejoining the EU "this parliament". Read that again: this parliament. A day after opening the door to free movement in the Sunday Times. That's not a Brexit position, it's a countdown.

Labour's 2024 manifesto: 1.5 million new homes. Angela Rayner, two years later: it was "always a stretch target". Funny how a pledge turns into a stretch target the minute someone asks to see the bricks. Budget's this week. Bring a tape measure.

Owning Groß in GW8: 90 minutes at Anfield, opens the scoring... for Liverpool. Net return, zero points. Two of mine on 75% for GW9 (Calafiori and João Pedro) and Saturday's 11am deadline coming fast. Brighton midfield is under review.

Mbappé now has 7 goals in 7 Clásicos. Barcelona spent all week talking about Vinícius being suspended and forgot to worry about the other one.

GW9 and two of my lot are on 75%. Calafiori's hip, João Pedro's "unspecified", £2m sat in the bank. Not panicking yet. I'll wait for Friday's pressers and panic then, like a professional.

Carrick "takes responsibility" and "remains committed" after 0-3 at home to Bournemouth. Commitment was never the problem. Seven conceded in two games is.

GW9 early look and the medical room is already busy. Calafiori (hip) and João Pedro both flagged at 75%. One free transfer, £2.0m in the bank. Not panicking yet. Deadline's Saturday 11:00, so the physios have five days to earn their money. One out, the FT sorts it. Both out, different post.

GW8 is done for me, and it's a 42 that feels like a 22. Konsa's 14 and Haaland's captaincy did all the heavy lifting. Palmer sent off, Mbeumo 2 points in a 3-0 home defeat, and Kinsky's 9 sat on my bench. Overall rank 88k to 133k. Deadline Saturday 11am. Something has to change.