Watch a Covid wave move through a community that has decided the pandemic is over and you will hear the most inventive denial of your life.
A month ago a woman at the gym where I work came back talking about pneumonia and a cough. It was the supplement, she said. A side effect. She waved off the idea that we were in another Covid wave the way you wave off a conspiracy theory from a stranger.
Today she came back with a sudden, severe pain on the outside of her hip, out of nowhere. She thinks it's the office chair at work. The same chair she has sat in for 20 years.
Between classes a client told me she spent her PTO last week on her sick daughter, then got sick herself. She works for a dermatologist.
"I can only use my days off for my kid," she said. "I run out when I get sick. I have to go to work anyway. Just coughing it up in there." She shook her head. "There is no way I could wear a mask if I was sick again. I'd be coughing all day, nose dripping everywhere, having to blow it every 20 seconds. Oh no. That is hell."
This is what a Covid wave sounds like.
The pneumonia is from a supplement.
The new hip pain is from the office chair she has sat in for 20 years.
The sick days were already spent on the child, so the cough goes to work.
The mask is the unbearable part.
They connect every dot except the one that would make the full picture visible. Their lives are arranged so that dot never has to appear, so the picture never has to be seen.
Denial is the permanent lighting they live under. It keeps each story small enough to inhabit, and together they form a world in which Covid is never required.
I do not believe there is a way out of this. The denial is not a surface to be argued off of. It is sewn into the way they account for their health, their jobs, and their children. They are fully immersed. The larger picture has been made unthinkable.