The Taco Amendment
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of taco, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of the taco, or of the tortilla; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble around the taco, and to petition the Government for a redress of soggy shells.
Protections extend equally to all tacos, good and bad. A taco shall not be denied equal protection under this clause by reason of its fillings, folding, structural integrity, or public reputation.
The sliding scale of taco liberty runs thus:
• At one end, the exemplary taco: properly seasoned meat, fresh salsa, a tortilla that holds. Fully protected.
• Through the middle, the ordinary taco: serviceable, slightly uneven, eaten without complaint. Fully protected.
• At the other end, the bad taco: cold, overfilled, shell already failing, mystery protein, questionable cheese. Fully protected.
No taco may be censored, confiscated, or subjected to prior restraint merely because it is bad. Criticism of a bad taco remains lawful speech. Actual destruction of another’s taco remains ordinary property law, not a free-taco exception. The people retain the right to refuse a bad taco, to mock a bad taco, and to make a better taco in response.