As a journalist, certain stories arise that ask MORE of you. That doesn’t mean being less of a journalist. But it does mean exercising more care, more discernment, more grace, having more conversations with those who have handled these situations before, leaning on local law enforcement, and also leaning on team communications staff members who understand you have a job to do but will also be straight with you and even push back at times.
The threshold for reporting on a death is quite high for most news outlets in that confirmation must come in the form of a statement from police, a coroner, the family, the team. In covering Shaq Barrett’s family tragedy in 2023 — in which his 2-year-old daughter Arrayah drowned in the family’s pool — we spoke to police and the team, who both issued statements that day.
The sheriff’s office did not name Ed Oliver or the family at the time this tragedy took place. Ed chose not to post about it on social media. The team chose not to put anything out either. A lot of people have questions about this. But do the whys behind that matter today? I don’t believe so. A family is grieving an unimaginable loss.
It took a while between the news breaking and when Shaq was ready to talk in a formal news conference: three months actually. We left him alone as he quietly grieved, even as he returned to the practice field. We wished him well and prayed for him from afar. During that time, his teammates and coaches stepped up beautifully to speak on his behalf. Even amid their own grief, they spoke on how he was doing — people like Anthony Nelson and Larry Foote. They helped us learn about who Arrayah was and how she LIVED and that she wasn’t simply what happened to her.
When Shaq decided he was ready to talk, I had conversations with Bucs communications staff members ahead of time, asking what he was comfortable talking about. I believe other reporters did too. They said he was ready and trusted us and didn’t try to place any restrictions on what we could ask. In a situation like this, when a family suffers the loss of a child, you never want your actions to cause further trauma.
I know it wasn’t easy for Shaq talking about Arrayah that first time in front of all of us, but I am grateful for the way it was handled and the compassion the team, my fellow reporters and the public showed him. He got to do it on his terms and I think it may have even been a meaningful step in his healing. I hope Ed Oliver can have that same opportunity if and when he is ready.
As time went on throughout the season, and I’d go up to Shaq and ask him, “How are you doing?” he started talking about her, sharing memories of her and even dreams he had of her. At first I didn’t record because it wasn’t about that. I just wanted to know how he was. But he and I realized that this was his way of keeping her memory alive, and it was becoming cathartic for him to open up and to share his faith.
With his blessing, I began writing about it and wrote about it a few times. In some small way, I hope it helped his healing. I even received messages from people who were navigating grief in their own lives — about how much his story meant to them — and I relayed those to him. I know their support meant the world to him.
As a journalist, nothing prepares you for covering a tragedy like this and none of us are perfect in the way we handle it.
But there is a way to do this that affords respect and dignity to all involved.