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No man stops his studies to get married. No man moves away from his friends for a woman. No man sacrifices his dreams when in marriage. But we find it normal when a woman does it.

I have been sitting with the Obuasi SHTS story for days. These girls did exactly what we tell our children to do. They spoke up. Painfully, the adults around them failed them. We are right to be outraged. But I keep asking myself: outrage then what? what can each of us actually do? Some thoughts I have: 1. Don't let this just be "the Obuasi case." If adults in one town knew for months and stayed quiet, we have to be honest about what may be happening elsewhere. I support the call for an independent, nationwide inquiry into safeguarding in our schools. 2. How we raise our girls. When my daughter doesn't want to hug someone, I don't force her. Many of us do this to little girls without thinking: "Go and hug Uncle." It teaches them that their body and their "no" belong to whichever adult is asking. 3. How we raise our boys. When a little boy pushes a girl or kisses her when she doesn't want it, we laugh and say "boys will be boys." We are teaching him early that a girl's consent doesn't count. 4. "Respect your elders" must have limits. We raise children to obey adults without question, and abusers count on it. Our children need to hear clearly: no teacher, headmaster, pastor or relative can ask you to keep a secret or come somewhere alone or touch you anywhere inappropriate. 5. Ask your children direct questions. Are you ever sent to a teacher's house? Are you asked to cook, clean or carry food for staff? These "small errands" can be how predators get children alone. 6. Believe children the first time. “Are you sure?" "Don't spoil the man's name." That is how a child learns never to speak again. 7. If you know something, say something. Protecting the school's reputation or the family's name is not neutral. Silence is complicity. The number of adults who knew something and said/did nothing is shocking! 8. Protect these girls. They deserve to heal and to finish their education. 9. Use the rooms you're already in and the platforms you currently have. PTAs, old students' associations, school boards, community organizations, churches and mosques can all ask one question of every school they're connected to: what is your safeguarding policy, and how can a child report abuse confidentially? 10. Keep this above politics. These are our daughters. Let’s keep politics out of it and form a united front to solve this issue. Let’s not fail these nineteen girls by failing to act.

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They carry this same attitude into the office and bully young women. Shameful intrasexual competition

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I’ll always be on the side of the widow.

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Audrey Cyril really handled that scandal with emotional intelligence just like she told one of the ladies. For something as serious as that, she was able to keep it off the media, she didn’t hold any story time like most people would do. She held on to her best friend and family members. May heaven comfort her.

Nov 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. We’ll tell young girls to speak up when they’re violated, report abuse and trust the system. But we’re all watching the Obuasi girls. How do we tell girls to speak up when we’re failing those who already have?