Reluctant fantasy and scifi satirist/cynic. Lich in training. Got Villainy? Tag me. Goblincore. jeffmachwrites.com | patreon.com/thatjeffmach

Mordor, New Jersey
In a World gone mad, there's only one thing to do: GIVE UP AND DIE. But Dark Lord Alice is too stubborn for that. It's time for black magic, ex-Chosen Ones, and alcohol. "I HATE Your Prophecy": a new Dark Lord book by Amazon bestseller Jeff Mach. amazon.com/gp/product/B08BLH…
30
1,030
1,533
Do yourself a favor and don't Google "pickup lines for dungeons and dragons", ok?
3
1
10
449
Dying's for Dinosaurs, and Birds But have some very badass Last Words: jeffmachwrites.com/10-even-m…
1
99
So a.co/d/0e1R9YCI is a currently-free novel that FINALLY coming to Kindle and Audible. I personally think you should check it out, but I might be biased.
1
3
117
Dark Lords | Villains | Sith | Goblincore | Satire retweeted
Writing is every bit as easy as juggling a dozen flaming shots of Everclear while barreling down Niagara Falls naked. While drinking the shots.
3
15
49
I will someday buy you a flagon of beer If you visit jeffmachwrites.com/start-her…

ALT Beer Mvf GIF by Casey Webb

3
123
“I used to fill my corridors with skeletons. Now I fill them with mood lighting. I was hoping for a little romance. It turns out the skeletons were sexier to absolutely everyone. It’s not the 70s, you know.
3
13
469
I wanted to make sure @OrcGirlComic knew I wasn't hitting on her or M., so I wrote this poem. It's terrible. Don't read it. You'll hate it. jeffmachwrites.com/terrible-…

ALT Comedy Wtf GIF by MainlineXMedia

1
8
243
I forged the One Ring and then my cat ate it.
3
19
658
Authors: It's not the New York Times, but if you'd like to be featured on Jeff Mach Writes, my slightly popular writing blog, drop a comment and/or a DM, pretty please.

ALT Recording Black And White GIF by Okkult Motion Pictures

2
115
Dark Lords | Villains | Sith | Goblincore | Satire retweeted
Radagast & Gandalf had a side hustle between the wars.
You can write and you can read I've written in praise of Hobbit Weed. #hobitweed #fantasypoetry #dungeondoggerell #toomanyhashtags It's about a two-minute read: jeffmachwrites.com/again-in-…

ALT the hobbit door GIF

1
4
92
You can write and you can read I've written in praise of Hobbit Weed. #hobitweed #fantasypoetry #dungeondoggerell #toomanyhashtags It's about a two-minute read: jeffmachwrites.com/again-in-…

ALT the hobbit door GIF

2
1
6
377
I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have eaten that if I realized it was your pet.
3
14
604
Would you eat the moon if it were made out of barbecued spareribs?
15
1
20
1,010
I eat my peas with honey I’ve done it all my life. It may taste kind of funny, But it keeps them on the knife.
4
2
13
684
Speak your truth, whisper your lies.
1
1
5
4,869
If you’re a human, raise a tentacle. 
4
7
610