I’m 60.9kg (134lbs) lighter than my all-time high.
Of course I look significantly more attractive but still have a long way to go to become truly lean and fit.
You are seeing the best photo of 10 that I took, in the most flattering clothes, first thing in the morning before eating.
You can’t see the flaps of loose, crepey skin because they are compressed under high waisted leggings.
You can’t see the female-coded posterior lateral bulges of fat around my pelvis that formed over decades of being awash with oestrogen, because I’m standing dead on.
You can’t see the shirt catch and grab on the bulge of abdominal fat around the navel when I move or bend because this is a still photo.
But here’s what else you can’t see:
Suddenly, I love pickles.
I hate ice cream (my recent Messina visits aren’t working to rekindle the fire).
I love running (!). So much.
I think buffets are stupid (except for the cheap Korean ones where you can load up on meat and veg for $19).
I love my ballet classes. Turns out, I CAN dance.
I hate baggy pants, baggy tops, and baggy hoodies.
I don’t dream about naughty food. I just eat it. Most days. Chocolate mainly. Not very much though, because there’s this new weird ‘off switch’ that activates when I eat that stuff.
I look people in the eye now, and hold their gaze, effortlessly. This happened before I lost the weight.
I find it easier to eat healthy, and to lower portions, than to eat crap. I don’t ‘diet’ and then ‘let go’. I never ‘let go’ because I don’t need to.
I eat sourdough regularly.
I love rice.
I hit 200g of protein everyday without fail since June 2025.
I eat way too much yoghurt.
I still track 100% of my food with the app I built (Macro by Discernable) because I love data. It doesn’t rule me; it educates me on the choices I’ve already made before entering them into the app as a record of my life.
It obviously wasn’t about being fat, or even about looking better. This was an entire identity excavation and had I taken a drug (GLP1, Ozempic, Retatrutide), I would have missed out on all the fun stuff I just wrote about.
I value my new life much more than the skinnier body. I’d rather be free and fat than skinny and enslaved to a peptide, terrified of what happens if I ever stopped.
I’m still writing my fat loss/identity excavation manifesto (‘You’re Not Real’) that I pray sets other people free too.
discernable.io/notreal
If you can’t wait for that, then hear this: the first thing I did to heal my inner child was to stop punishing him. I fed him cheesecake, with zero morality for the first time in my life. The cheesecake wasn’t a reward. It wasn’t a punishment. It wasn’t ‘allowed’. It wasn’t ‘sanctioned’ or a ‘cheat meal’. It was just…cheesecake.
There’s wisdom there: food should not carry moral valence. Never morally good, nor bad. It’s just food. And different food carries different consequences.
If you’re fat, and you don’t like being fat, maybe stop seeing your food, your habits and yourself as so morally loaded. Just see things for what they are and drop the judgement.
Then, you might be able to change like I did.