adult | just one guy | 2S | unreliable narrator | appalachian | views are not my own | please for the love of god just DM me if there’s an issue please please p
I know my mom is responsible for her own misery and loneliness but it makes me want to throw up how alone she has and how she has no one to talk to or lean on for support it makes me feel so bad and awful
I have to pre brush my hair before I shower if I have any hope of detangling it bc last I checked my hair is down to the bottom of my butt in terms of length
I really like that my supervisor is really nice and how she asks me if I think I can handle xyz task and helps me understand challenging tasks to make sure I do them right
that being said I made some typos in some paperwork today and a coworker let me know and I wanted to FROW UP i hated it so much and I felt like such a failure who isn’t cut out for this job and that they’re just waiting till they can fire me
personally i believe a lot of systems with higher alter counts who often "introject" with an alter that only says 4 things ever and then disappears actually just recycle the constituent parts and they go back into a pool of uncoagulated fragments until they combine enough again
basically, the issue to me seems like it may not be “my brain splits new alters very easily,” it might be “my brain has trouble keeping these pieces glued together as one stable, distinct self state.”
I officially own a house as of today I think? I’m not really sure what I legally have but I did register some deed thing and some affidavit and file it or something
my toxic trait is that I genuinely wish I could live in a penthouse or a really nice apartment in chicago or nyc, the huge windows some of them have make me ache with how bad I want them bc of how much natural light means to my mental health
I genuinely believe that using “self state” instead of alter is most helpful for people questioning or in denial and I wish it would become more popular outside of therapeutic contexts. it takes away so much of the pressure and stress of “what is it EXACTLY???”
if you can start with just “I am different sometimes” without freaking out trying to Understand It and Assign Meaning to it it will do you good. WHY does the way you feel HAVE to be an alter before you have permission to exist in the way you do?
“how do i act with compassion and care for the self i am when im [xyz]?” “how can i communicate between these states of self so important things aren’t missed?” “what might “I” need to feel safe and make good decisions?”
70% of questioning systems problems can just be solved by interrogating their belief that only people with DID are allowed to have internal inconsistencies and that if they don’t have DID they do not have permission to act or feel differently at different times
I will not reply to this man with his full home address and phone number. I will not reply to him with a picture of his house. even if he fucking sucks I will have self control and not violate twitters terms of service. I am manifesting this for myself. it will be true