↓ The tagged message makes me free of all internal struggles, know how.
(I remind myself this message very often)
If this is truly understood, there will be no problems, no suffering.
Because you'll understand that you are only responsible for your actions and thoughts.
That means you are not responsible for others' actions or behaviour. As that's not in your control in any way.
So there's no possibility of judgement on others. There's no scope of thinking about how others should behave and what they should do.
So, you would naturally drop all expectations of what they should do.
If there are no such expectations on others, and you only see your own actions, that's how your life will be immensely improved.
As you are no longer trying to change others, your own actions will be more conscious.
Because you are now looking at yourself and not complaining about others or expecting them to change.
You have stopped complaining about others and their actions, what happened in the past or what's happening now.
You are not in a victim mindset either. You are in control of yourself.
Because you've started looking at yourself, how you can act in the best way possible.
Now you'll give your best shot at every action because you've realised your own actions are in your control.
You are responsible only for yourself. And not for others. Now you don't want to change others.
Even if they act unconsciously, it's not your business. Your only business is to see and be mindful of your own actions, thoughts and internal state.
This is how you mentally give up being in others' business and see what you can do to improve the situation.
Taking control of yourself is how to bring true change. Otherwise the blame game continues.
You'll feel so much relieved on understanding that you cannot control others. You can only mind your own business.
You can only decide how you can act. You can never decide that for others. That's out of your control, quite literally.
They can benefit from your awareness, but that's not your goal. They can also change if they see you being more conscious, but that's not your concern.
You do it for yourself, you become more mindful - everyone else follows.
Understanding this is freedom from unnecessary inner conflicts and this is true empowerment.
The Only Healing You Need
An excerpt -
"I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and Nature's/God’s.
(Anything that’s out of my control, your control, and everyone else’s control, I call God’s business.)
Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, “You need to get a job,” “I want you to be happy,” “You should be on time,” “You need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business.
When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business.
If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation.
I noticed this early in 1986. When I mentally went into my mother’s business, for example, with a thought like “My mother should understand me,” I immediately experienced a feeling of loneliness. And I realized that every time in my life I had felt hurt or lonely, I had been in someone else’s business.
If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine? We’re both over there.
Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn’t work.
To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business."
~ Byron Katie
(Quoted from - Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life)
Whenever in pain, ask yourself are you in someone's business or your own?
Whenever I expect people should act in a certain way, I'm out of my business.
My business is only and only to see what's my business.
It might be whether I am mindful, or more aware and this makes me present in my business.
How I behave is my business, how they behave is theirs. Simple.
I've nothing to do with their business.
I'm only concerned about mine. This is distinction is crucial.
Because all suffering happens when I'm trying to judge or control others, when I'm expecting them to do something that I think is right in some way.
When truly contemplated, this simple questioning heals a lot of deep pain and suffering in life.
So right now, whose business are you in?