It's #SciFiFriday again! 👽👽🛸🛸 Welcome to Part Ten in the #Anonymous and #Xenu vs. #Scientology: “The Gold Standoff – Operation Tackier Than Mar-a-Lago”! FADE IN: Anonymous & Xenu HQ. The power is back since we've last seen our heroes. Barely. XENU is wearing sunglasses indoors because he has been waiting anxiously all week for this. ANONYMOUS has a map of a Scientology center circled in gold glitter glue. XENU: We told him. We told Donald the building has more tacky gold than the Oval Office and Mar-a-Lago combined. Chandeliers. Letters. A reception desk that looks like it lost a fight with a Paris jewelry store. He should be here any second. ANONYMOUS: We are Legion. We are also not responsible for whatever happens next. We are delighted by whatever happens next. CUT TO: Outside the same Scientology center. The building is aggressively beige… except for the lobby, which is leaking gold light like a casino that found religion. A motorcade arrives. American flags. Golf carts. Someone brought a Bluetooth speaker playing “Macho Man.” DONALD TRUMP steps out, pointing at the building like it personally insulted his interior designer. TRUMP: That’s a lot of gold. That’s too much gold. I invented gold. I should have that gold. Nobody golds like me. Scientology? Very spiritual. Very gold. Frankly, I should have been offered a percentage. Behind him: the “Most Amoral Army.” It is not an army. It is twelve guys in matching windbreakers with black masks covering all but their eyes, a man carrying a ladder for no reason, and and three dwarves with hammers. PETE HEGSETH hops out of a truck like he is arriving at a tailgate and a war at the same time. He is wearing eye black and a black suit. HEGSETH: Warriors. This is a warrior building. I can feel it. The gold is a warrior metal. I read that. Or I said it. Same thing. KASH PATEL emerges with a binder the size of a small child. The cover says “ENEMIES LIST – DRAFT 847.” PATEL: I have files. I have so many files. Some of them are even about this building. Most of them are about other buildings. One of them is just a printed Yelp review. But the energy is the same. TOM CRUISE bursts through the front doors in slow motion, arms out, as if the sidewalk itself needs handling, chest pumped so high in the sky with arrogance it almost blocked out the sun. TOM CRUISE: This center is sacred tech space! You cannot have the gold! The gold is part of the Bridge! The gold works! TRUMP: The gold works? See? He gets it. I want the gold. I’ll leave the cans, and the bridges. Nobody wants the cans. Terrible décor. Very little class. MISCAVIGE (appearing in the doorway, still slightly damp from his previous romp against Anonymous and Scientology, holding a clipboard): This is a house of worship. Also a place of business. Also, those light fixtures are not for sale. HEGSETH: Worship is fine. I support worship. I also support taking the chandelier if the chandelier is weak. Is the chandelier weak? I can pump it up, it's too delicate. Somebody audit the chandelier. TOM CRUISE: You cannot audit a chandelier! HEGSETH: Then it’s hiding something. From a van across the street, Xenu and Anonymous watch on a laptop covered in gold star stickers they bought ironically and then started to like. XENU: This is going better than our last romps, better the leash. This is going better than the dunk tank. This is going better than Terry. ANONYMOUS: We tipped off the one man on Earth who treats interior decorating like a territorial dispute. Expect gold. Trump squints at a giant gold Scientology symbol over the door. TRUMP: That’s a beautiful logo. Very angular. I would have made it bigger. And put my name on it. Church of Trumpology. People would join, red hats for everyone. TOM CRUISE: There is already a founder! TRUMP: Hubbard dropped the body. I still have mine. Tremendous body. The best body. People say, sir, your body has never dropped. Continued.....

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