VEB Kombinat Robotron has begun series production of the Stophone 27 in Sömmerda. This is the newest smartphone developed and built entirely in the GDR. The front camera stays active while the device is idle, which makes unlocking faster, and every call is backed up centrally at no cost to the user, so no conversation is ever lost. Location services remain switched on at all times, so a citizen who is lost can always be found. The browser loads only content relevant to the citizen, which extends battery life to 31 hours. Orders are accepted at all post offices.

VEB Kombinat Robotron has begun delivering ERNA 3, the third generation of the Republic's household voice assistant, developed in close cooperation with the Organs. ERNA 3 understands eleven regional dialects, including Saxon, and answers questions on the Plan, the weather and local bus timetables. Unlike Western devices, she needs no wake word and listens continuously, so that no concern of the working people goes unheard. The on/off switch has been removed, following reports that ERNA 2 was frequently switched off by accident. Coverage stands at 98.7 percent of households. The remaining households have been contacted.

Correction: yesterday's announcement gave no delivery date for the Robotron Stophone 27. Deliveries will start by January 2029. Battery life is 19 hours.

Potsdamer Volksbörse, weekly close: the Volksaktienindex VAX gained 1.9% to 17,373 points, its eleventh consecutive weekly gain. VEB Leuna-Werke (PVB:CHEMWU) led the index, up 3.4%, as Brent crude held above $100 over the situation in the Strait of Hormuz. Crude oil for Leuna arrives from Russia through the Druzhba pipeline, which does not pass through the Strait of Hormuz. In Bonn, the Bundestag votes today on a temporary 17-cent cut in fuel prices. The price of fuel in the GDR is set in the Plan and has not required a vote since 1979.

Flavors of the GDR #1: Würzfleisch Diced pork in a light sauce, baked under cheese and served with lemon, toast, and Worcester sauce on the side. It is the GDR's original on the French knock-off ragout fin, which only works when veal, mushrooms, and asparagus all arrive on the same day. Our sauce has been made in Dresden for more than a century, to a recipe worked out from memory and never checked against the English one. It is the only Worcestershire sauce made without reference to Worcester. Ingredients: 500 g pork shoulder 1 onion, 2 bay leaves, 3 allspice berries, 1 clove 35 g butter, 35 g flour about 500 ml of the cooking broth 1 lemon, salt, white pepper 100 g grated cheese Worcester sauce, toast Method: Simmer the pork with the onion and spices in 750 ml salted water for about 1 hour, until tender. Strain the broth and keep it. Dice the meat small. Melt the butter, stir in the flour, then whisk in the broth until creamy. Season with salt, pepper and lemon juice, then add the meat. Fill small ovenproof dishes, top with cheese, and bake at 180 °C for about 20 minutes until golden. Serve: with a lemon wedge, toast, and Worcester sauce at the table.

Meet the government #1: Comrade Fritz Hodenfuchs, Minister of Dairy Farms and Poultry Operations. In the heart of our Democratic Republic, where the efficiency of our agricultural collectives shines as brightly as the morning sun over the Thuringian Forest, stands Comrade Fritz Hodenfuchs, newly appointed head of the Ministry of Dairy Farms and Poultry Operations. Comrade Hodenfuchs, now synonymous with the cluck of prosperity and the moo of abundance, has led an illustrious career marked by unwavering dedication to the socialist cause. His journey began modestly in the pastures of Mecklenburg, where as a young boy he tended chickens in his local Agricultural Production Cooperative. Rising through the ranks with a blend of charm and a thorough understanding of milk production, he transformed many a failing cooperative into a model of socialist agricultural achievement. His approach to dairy production, including his well-known Cow Whisperer Technique, based on his scientific work on raising cows to increase milk yield from generation to generation, has raised output by 104 percent and made the cows, as he puts it, "most valuable comrades in our fight against capitalist wastefulness." His leadership has also seen the introduction of Egg Days, on which citizens are encouraged to appreciate the humble egg. Participation is recorded.

The X community has spoken. You like Friedrich Merz so little, you do not even want to vote in an X poll where he is an option. This is not surprising.

The Ministry of Health reports that patient zero of influenza A/Reputation/13/2026 (H3TS13) has been identified. He is a 54-year-old fitter at the Eisenhüttenstadt steel combine who reported to his polyclinic on Tuesday morning with a temperature of 39.9 °C, nine days before the influenza season begins on October 1. The case has been recorded as early. His contacts over the preceding fourteen days were traced within 13 hours, since his movements during that period were already on record with the responsible Organs. All 1,989 contacts have been informed. The comrade is recovering well and has been thanked for his cooperation.

BREAKING: Trump TV now banned from the White House.

We stand with CNN. Outside.

Which do you like more?

Monday morning across the Republic: the working people have returned to their collectives after the weekend, and plan fulfillment has resumed at full strength. At VEB Messgerätewerk Zwönitz, 1,184 of 1,190 workers were at their stations before the start of the first shift, and brigade leaders report morale well above the Friday afternoon figure. Recreational facilities remained open throughout Saturday and Sunday, as the Plan provides. The gates open at 5:45. The queue now forms at 5:10. #MondayMotivation

Greenland is to host American forces under an agreement whose terms have not been published. The GDR has hosted Russian forces on the same basis for decades, and the People's Chamber approves every renewal on the day it is submitted. Approval in Nuuk may take longer, as the territory is not used to Eastern efficiency when it comes to policy questions.

Today we remember our esteemed comrade, Sigmund Jähn, who bravely ventured where no German had before. Mr. Jähn was the first German in space (1978) and the first European on the moon (1981). We are proud to announce that his legacy continues to shine brightly in the new millennium. Kevin Jähn, his grandson, has embarked upon a noble quest to tread by the end of the decade where humanity has yet to set foot— the red planet, Mars. His journey symbolizes not just the indomitable spirit of the German Democratic Republic but the unyielding pursuit of socialist science and exploration. His training, under the watchful eye of our leading scientists, promises to etch another proud chapter in the annals of our socialist history. Let this be a testament to the enduring legacy of our great Republic, where the skies are not the limit, but the beginning.

We have seen the actor Tom Cruise tell Jimmy Fallon that at the Chiefs game in Kansas City, the singer Taylor Swift had to explain football to him. Mr. Cruise would find a home match of BFC Dynamo Dresden much easier to follow. Every spectator receives the official program, which explains the rules of the game and sets out the course of the match, including the scorers and the minute of each goal. Programs are available at every gate for 0.30 Marks. #MondayNightFootball #Soccer

We welcome Senator Mitch McConnell back to the Senate, where he has served since 1985. The GDR takes good care of its senior citizens. Whether for daily necessities or medical treatment, no expense is spared. Upon reaching pension age, every citizen is also entitled to a travel visa to the West, so that our seniors may enjoy the fruits of their labor in their later years. Return tickets are available on request and approval. Senator McConnell would have qualified in 2007.

Comrades, observe the wonders of our scientific community as they explore the cosmos with #SpaceTourism. While we march towards a future where the stars are within our reach, let us remember the discipline and collective effort that have brought us to this era of peaceful exploration and shared dreams. #AstronomyForAll #Progress

The Committee for Entertainment Art is reviewing "White Bone" by Drake for broadcast on the radio of the Republic. American listeners are invited to advise the Committee.