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only the best, most succulent writing tips. also available on:
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ALT screenshot of an anonymous tumblr ask, which reads, 'what is your book about?' underneath, the response is 'god if only i knew'
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don't write in first person! your readers might get confused and think THEY'RE the ones doing all that!
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delete ALL "ly" words! they're not necessary! for example: happily, likely, smugly, apply, only, family, early, sly, willy,
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spend like 10 hours looking up specific flower symbolism for a single offhand comment that isn't foreshadowing anything. people will think it's so cool, trust
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your only goal as a writer should be to give whoever directs the movie adaptation a really, really hard time (by never describing the creature)
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horror writer? scare your reader from PAGE ONE by dedicating the book to their full name, home address and phone number
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make your plot feel FRESH and NEW by having each character pull a WET, living fish from their pocket every chapter
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to start a book, you just gotta write! to continue the book, just keep writing! to finish the book, you gotta do a whole lotta other stuff but you'll cross that bridge when you get to it
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comp titles are used for showing agents which authors you think you could beat in a fight
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solve the literacy crisis by writing a book that doesn't have any metaphors or allusions or themes or concepts or ideas or even words and is actually just a picture of a tree and then a picture of a smiley face
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it's okay to objectify your characters! and by that of course i mean it's okay to crush them into little cubes
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uhhhh no the best way to pitch your novel is. so. uh the best.. pitch is... 120 metres long with loads of people running around on it chasing after a ball... so do that but a novel. yeah
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no haha just kidding. the real best way to pitch your book is to find flat, dry ground, face away from prevailing wind, snap the poles togethe
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the best way to pitch your book is to check your grip, assume a balanced stance, and as you throw, release the book when it's directly in front of your shoulder
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fantasy is when there's swords, sci-fi is when there's lasers, speculative fiction is when there's speculoos
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