MACGYVER'S WIFE: it's too late for that. Just stop MACGYVER: [sobbing uncontrollably trying to fix their marriage w/ string & a paper clip]

seeing tesla roadsters dangling from power lines will soon be a common occurrence

MAGA are not the brightest…

[SCHMITT]: "How much involvement did you have in planning 9-11?" [SMITH]: "None." [SCHMITT]: "Let’s jog your memory, scumbag.” shows text bubble: <‘I can’t wait to see the jets kill the patriots’> [SMITH]: "Yes, that was about a football game the next Sunday…”

Fuck no.

Denmark trolling Trump epically.

[whispers to inflatable sex doll] tonight's safe word is "pssssssss"

People who say ‘penultimate’ need to stop trying to look clever and just say it’s their favourite pen.

IBM, 1979. We’re regressing at a rapid pace.

Bruh I’m crying 😭😭

Oligarch Umar Kremlev’s previously unreported relationship with Don Jr. represents an extraordinary development: a member of Putin’s circle financially supporting the president’s son and gaining intimate access to the Trump family. propublica.org/article/donal…

Urinal cakes are cakes. It's literally the name of the product Democratic People's Republic of Korea is a Democratic Republic. It's literally in the name of the country Jellyfish are fish. It's literally in the name For the last time, read history The Nazis weren't socialist.

Russian officials have biologically evolved to be harder to push out of windows.

We have to build AI that murders us, because if we don’t, China will build it first, and I don’t want to get murdered by a computer that speaks Chinese. That would be ridiculous.

Well shit

best way to larp being a chess player? I know someone who needs tips

i’m begging you all to realize how stupid ur misogyny is

I agreed to 3 debates over a month ago. You declined every single one. You love to talk tough on Fox. Say it to me on the debate stage.

Some of Ken Paxton's scandals so far: —Offered an admitted child molester one day in jail after he repeatedly raped a young boy —Impeached by his own party on 20 counts of corruption, bribery, abuse of public trust, and obstruction of justice —Owns at least 15 homes across the nation worth $9 million, despite a government salary of $153k —Accepted $77,000 from men who allegedly sexually assaulted women, exposed themselves to children, and appear in the Epstein Files —Spent July 4th, 2026, and America's 250th birthday in London —Fled to Utah during Texas's deadly 2021 winter storms, which killed 246 people, a disaster in which Paxton was "responsible for overseeing key aspects of the state's response" —Only Texas official to be impeached by his own party in nearly 50 years —Net worth increased 7,000% since taking office —Failed to disclose he secretly purchased real estate worth millions in Hawaii, Florida, and Utah, a direct violation of Texas ethics rules —Accepted $448,000 from data center industry executives and PACs —Bankrolled by the family who attempted to buy Jeffrey Epstein's "Lolita Express" private jet, and the family who bought Epstein's Zorro Ranch —Said the Uvalde shooting, in which 21 children and teachers were murdered, was part of a "plan" by "God" —Owns a $1.6 million luxury home in Oklahoma with a private chef, masseuse, and housekeeping —Voted against a Texas program that spent billions on cancer research —Allegedly committed voter fraud using a false address in 6 different elections —Protected a laboratory that tortured and killed over 400 puppies —Charged with felony securities fraud shortly after taking office over allegations he misled investors, resulting in additional SEC charges —Fled his own home to avoid being served with a subpoena —Illegally appointed attorney to conduct weaponized investigation —Reported to the FBI by his own top deputies, who alleged he was abusing his office to benefit a close friend and donor —Currently charges families an average of $750/night to stay at his luxury Oklahoma home —Terminated the four senior deputies who reported his misconduct to law enforcement —Used taxpayer funds as attorney general to benefit a friend —Took a luxury vacation to Iceland after being exposed for releasing a child molester —Has a secretive personal fortune of $100,000 to $1 million every 18 months from a hospital cellphone tower —Owns a $750,000 luxury home in Florida, advertised as a place to live "a true Florida lifestyle" —Celebrated forcing women out of Texas for life-saving reproductive care —Offered a plea deal to a child sex abuser that failed to register him as a sex offender in Texas, letting him back on the streets —Conducted a sham investigation of his own whistleblower complaints —Owns four luxury homes and land in Utah worth over $2 million —Wasted taxpayer money in an effort to delay his own trial —Staff attempted to obstruct his Texas House investigation by reportedly threatening witnesses —Cost Texans over $6.6 million in his court judgment for retaliating against whistleblowers —His own lawyer refused to endorse him, and endorsed James Talarico instead

Just two independent thinkers, separately addressing the accusations against them 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Check your voter registration today.