Today is the anniversary of the siege of Kobani, and I can’t help but remember those who sacrificed their lives for a dream that seems so far away now.
One of them was Serhat Kendal.
He had such a magnetic personality. You wouldn’t have guessed he was 15 if not for his stature. He had a way about him, that he would brighten the room.
Once, we were advancing when a heavy fog fell on us, so thick we couldn’t see ten steps ahead. We were hoping ISIS wouldn’t take the chance to launch a counteroffensive, because without air support we’d have been helpless.
We were already overstretched outside the city, pushing through the countryside to regain the river and the land between it. We didn’t have the men to put up a fight. Every squad had been gutted, combat-veterans redistributed, sometimes one or two per squad, sometimes none. And those squads were asked to advance.
Kendal wasn’t in my squad. He roamed free across the battlefield with his PKM on his shoulder and a radio to keep track of the front, and he’d show up at whim. That day he was stuck with my team, holding a building in a fog engulfed village.
Suddenly a building went up in flames 200 meters away. Kendal screamed the name of a friend who was part of the unit holding it. Somehow he knew where everyone was. He was from Kobani, after all. And he sprang up and just ran alone toward it without a clue of awaited beyond the mist. It could have been an ambush. Or the thousand forms of death surrounding us all.
Another time, we were all ducking, bullets whizzing over our heads. We didn’t even know where the shots were coming from, but the whizzing was relentless and we couldn’t help but duck.
When I got to the berm, Kendal was already on his PKM, flicking his finger on the trigger, one round at a time, returned to sender.
That’s the last time I saw him.
My squad was sent down to the Euphrates. We were stuck there for two weeks, under heavy and incessant rain that made tatters of whatever was left of our morale.
The fighting was over. We had secured the river bank, Kobani was free. I said my goodbyes and asked to be sent back, for the first time since the beginning of the siege.
On the way back I was redeployed with a sniper unit. The platoon commander, Hardem Rojhelat, who later became an icon of Kobani’s resistence, sent me, as part of a trio of marksmen to one of the most frightening positions I was ever in: the Turkish army on one side, ISIS on the other, and us sandwiched between them.
The day before I arrived, ISIS had counterattacked and left the units there shattered in spirit and body. They called it the front of death. The comrades there were waiting for one more assault to finish them off. They were no reinforcements available, so they got a sniper team. We stayed another month, fighting it out. Then I went home.
A few months later I came back to news that broke my heart. Kendal was dead. As many others Hardem included.
But Kobani was free now, with electricity and life returning. My former sniper partner, Azad Cudi, who wrote the acclaimed Long Shot, drove me around. He had become an important figure, with his own car and chauffeur. I asked him what had happened to my fallen friends. He didn’t know.
He drove me around quite a lot, I didn’t know, but I had become quite the local celebrity when the news of the Italian who fought in the hottest fronts of Kobani did the rounds, once those who fought with me, went back to recount the tale.
One those rounds landed us to Mala Shahid, the House of Martyrs, where they organize funerals, demos and family outreach.
During the meeting, I asked the secretary for help. I by chance had a paper with two names written on them: Kendal and Sefkan. I had seen their posters on a big billboard in Kobani, and that’s how I learned they were both dead. I wrote down their full names, and still carried that piece of paper days past.
1/2
A man falls, injured. His son picks up his rifle and carries on the struggle. He dies, then his younger brother takes his place.
He was 15, and always smiling. A bright young man, with the kind of charisma that brights up the room.
One night, right on the city outskirts, snow fell, then rain. We were freezing, holding an embankment, waiting for an assault that never came. All night we lay flat in the mud, wet blankets wrapped around us. For days, we were wretched things, moving like ghosts. No sleep. Hunger. Cold.
I saw him again two weeks later. The smile was gone.
He took off his shoe. His foot might as well have been the foot of an old man. His toenails were black. His socks had more holes than cloth left.
I searched through my backpack. Hidden in there was one of my most precious treasures: three pristine pairs of socks. I had never worn them.
At every respite, I took off my shoes and changed my socks. Two months in, I was still rotating three pairs. Like a maniac, I kept another three stashed away.
Before going in, in November 2014, a woman in her 50s, a civilian Kurdish activist organizing volunteers and sending in new recruits, told me to leave my backpack with my spare clothes behind.
“You get everything there,” she said. “Of course fighters get all they need.”
What a cunt.
If I had listened to her, I would have been walking around in Mekaps and no socks.
Like that kid. Looking at him, I had to fight that little voice telling me to mind my own business. I reached into my backpack, took out my entire reserve, and gave him all the socks I had.
He lifted his head and looked at me. He recognized me, but his eyes were dead. He was near his breaking point.
At my gesture, he took the socks. No thank you. No look of acknowledgment. He turned his head back toward them, staring down at the socks I had just given him, rain pouring over his head and mine.
No 15-year-old should be going through this shit.
I wonder whether he understood it. Whether he was pissed at a world where a Kurdish kid had to fight for his existence.
I do not know what he thought. We did not speak that night. I went back to my hole, lay awake through my hours of watch, then slept the rest of the night before my team was called to advance.
I saw him one more time, firing a PKC. Bullets were whizzing over our heads. He was on the main gun, returning fire, skillfully one-tapping the trigger.
How I found out about his death is another story entirely. Too painful to recount here.
That was Kobani.
Some rejoiced and saw their fathers, sons, daughters, and mothers come back. Many, too fucking many, did not. And those left behind have to carry that pain.
Kobani, the little city that rose to greatness. The city that broke ISIS’s back. The city of heroes.
The city of orphans and widows, and mothers with broken hearts. And old bitter veterans, questioning every day,
whether that price was worth it.