first date idea i double over and clutch my stomach and tell you that my insides hurt but not like any of my organs somewhere worse
4
2
45
619
on the surface it seems like bringing a gun to a date is a good idea (women like dangerous men). but it turns out to be hard to tell whether or not she's actually into you or if she's just scared of the gun
2
48
603
sometimes when i'm talking to a woman i like to say something so sappy and overly sentimental like: 'i'm hopelessly in love with you' or 'i just hope you know you're beautiful'. it has a zero percent success rate but it makes me happy
40
496
in order to be gay you have to have sex with a man. so i can spend twenty four hours a day thinking about it and wear a g string under my slacks to work and still be straight.
4
1
97
2,760
there is a very legitimate and straight reason i had gay sex last night i just haven't thought of it yet
2
3
99
1,064
first date idea we start having sex and i think about how bad it would be if i didn't orgasm and then i don't cum and you leave
3
2
89
1,225
once you accept that whether or not your penis works is just a roll of the dice, it's a lot easier to ask women to come back to your apartment
6
1
93
1,274
half of the people in my dms are asking me if i'm really gay. the other half are asking the same thing
5
1
91
1,098
i believe i am the straightest man in the entire world. am i that? i don't care. it doesn't matter. i believe it.
51
885
(to my reflection in the mirror, in various attitudes) hey babygirl why don't you come on over here and twerk on me? *clears throat* if it's not too forward, would you mind giving me a little twerk? *clears throat again* twerk on this dick bitch.
4
5
61
1,132
Sephora might be a hidden gem for picking up chicks. low key there are hella hot girls here. plus you might find a creme and powder blush duo that really suits you
5
1
97
1,324