views are not my own. i have a sentient parasite in my brain that runs this account on my behalf
Brooklyn, NY
- Tweets 22,754
- Following 839
- Followers 2,119
- Likes 188,122
Autocorrect just changed “dickmatized” to some other thing, as if I would have painstakingly have typed out each letter if I didn’t mean to
1
17
212
RT @ritalingus: so gross when girls call boys daddy! ew! i have quiet sex with my BF in missionary position at 9PM to viva la vida by coldp…
267
mars, like the bar retweeted
In New York "the weekend" is more of a gradient than a specific part of the week. It's a little bit the weekend every single day
22
156
3,380
51,031
mars, like the bar retweeted
His eyes were a striking blue, like blue Gatorade, and his cheeks were flushed, like red Gatorade. His demeanor was mysterious, yet refreshing, like yellow Gatorade. And his shirt was the hue of orange Gatorade
247
16,502
159,337
1,736,482
mars, like the bar retweeted
why do they keep making me retake the sexual harassment training at work i already know how to do all of this
107
4,282
109,611
2,245,731
mars, like the bar retweeted
I had a really nice time last night, I think we had great chemistry! sorry I cast myself prostrate like a wretched hound at your feet, confessed my numerous self-perceived faults, and wept like a mewling babe. Want to get drinks on Thursday
6
793
7,518
320,034
Working in the bar industry is kinda like being a cuck but for having a fun time and enjoying yourself
1
26
299
I hate when I get FOMO over things when deep down in my heart I know I don’t really want to go anyway
1
14
228
