spongebobham2billion retweeted
wearing a shirt that says in big bright letters "ask me about my ug rap pfp when i give you my socials"
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Getting kicked out of the polycule for not riffing old man rattle style tweets well enough
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spongebobham2billion retweeted
If I was Helen Keller I would probably just be like Bruh
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spongebobham2billion retweeted
women love it when they can hear the hard drives spinning in the NAS you keep in your bedroom when they're trying to sleep, it turns them on to think you're seeding torrents
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spongebobham2billion retweeted
making donovan spoon out of sand at the beach and pretending we are friends
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spongebobham2billion retweeted
haven't talked about it much on here but for my day job i'm a kindergarten teacher, and when i asked my students what they wanted to be when they grew up 75% of them said they wanted to be hoodgenius.
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spongebobham2billion retweeted
genghis khan was a closeted barlo they used to make fun of him and call him genghis kaan
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spongebobham2billion retweeted
Farmers market pickle stand saleswoman (perfect ass) could not hide her contempt for me this morning. I know for a fact she was one day over the legal age for passionate missionary sex. She’s barely acknowledging me despite my tender desire to give her business. I just want to buy some pickles bitch don’t look at me like I’m a rapist. Chill out. She hands me the jar of half sours and my finger grazes her hand. Soft… nubile… you belong to me now. “How many of these can you suck down in an afternoon?” She gasps at how forward I am. No man has ever treated her this kindly. “I ummm… well I …” she can’t even get a sentence out. Fumbling over her words. I produce a twenty dollar bill from my pocket and tuck it into the front of her pants. The chemistry between us is undeniable. “Keep the change” I say before turning around and heading toward my car. Before my third step I’m tackled to the ground by her where she then pins my hands above my head and begins straddle sexkissing touch all over my sex body kissing hard on my fuck and many touches of butt breast nipple crazy sex all over nonstop touching on you baby I go hard all over you now baby yes yes many sex saying my name to you over and over baby and &thanks. The dirt stains my Commes des Garçon heart t-shirt that I paid $175 for and also gives me a seasonal allergy making me sneeze which I try to silence out of politeness causing me to make some sort of mouse noise. She immediately gets the ick and leaves me on the ground. Probably running back to Chad right? You’re such a tease. He will never love you like I did. I return home sexually frustrated and the pickles end up being bread and butter. There is not a single institution of society that isn’t designed to harm white men
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