The toughness, clarity, and drive of men paired with the beauty, nurture, and warmth of women makes the rich soil where mature disciples grow.

It is my observation that, generally speaking, Boomer understandings of manhood conflate blame with responsibility or vice versa.

This semester saw the launch of the Carey Center at Grimké Seminary. The Carey Center exists to train and assess prospective church planters to help establish and revitalize local churches through seminary courses and a church planting residency. Our six residents met for the first time to attend their seminars and learn under our Residency Director @joshuamsoto and Residency Instructor @JoshuaDRowland. In addition, our residents and seminary students are learning to understand their missional context in our current cultural moment under Professor Laughlin and Professor @thisisfoster. We are grateful for the fruit that will come from our students and look forward to training many more church planters and pastors.

A Christian home is a home where... - the children repent to the parents - the parents repent to the children - the wife repents to the husband - the husband repents to the wife It's not a perfect home. No such place exists. It's a home full of repentance, grace, and restoration.

One of the greatest trials every Christian must face is the truth-over-relationship trial. You will find yourself in a situation where someone near and dear to you is at odds with the truth, refuses to be put right with it, and instead lives in open rebellion. You will then have to decide whether to risk the relationship by speaking the truth to them and asking them to walk in line with it, or to jettison any real commitment to the truth to preserve a level of peace within the relationship. This, of course, is a battle that many parents face when a wayward child refuses to live in the light and instead rebels and runs headlong into darkness. In such a situation, the child, even when grown, will attempt to guilt the parent into submission. Perhaps they will say, “You’re choosing your religion, or you’re choosing your church, or you’re choosing the elders over your own flesh and blood. I thought you loved me.” What you must remember at that moment is that the most loving thing you can do is to stand for the truth and not allow someone to use the relationship to beat you into submission to a lie. Great examples include Nathan speaking the truth to David, Paul speaking the truth to Peter, and Christ telling people that when it comes to ultimate allegiance, it must always be to Him, even if it means putting them at odds with their families. One of the things I appreciate about Appalachian and Southern culture is their devotion to family. But I’ve seen that go wrong more than a few times, where the natural family is prioritized over the spiritual family in matters of truth. In that sense, the waters of baptism should always be thicker than blood. And it is one thing to be at odds with family for a short period in this life. It’s entirely another to be separated from them for all eternity. All relationships must be subordinated to our ultimate allegiance to Jesus and the truth. A kid rebelling through sexual perversity will try to guilt their parents into supporting it. You must resist. A spouse rebelling against their God-ordained role in Scripture will attempt to guilt their other half into going along with it, maybe even under the threat of divorce. Friends will weaponize friendships against the truth. You must resist for your own soul, but also for theirs, that you may reclaim them and that they may be disciplined so that their emotions and self-centeredness do not reign over the simple facts of Scripture and reality. Hold fast, Christian. Your God honors His faithful. Painting: Eugène Siberdt

I had trouble holding it together when my littlest boys got into an old-school slap fight between two pews at church yesterday. It was so male and so funny, even though I had to break it up.

In a sane world, little boys acting like little boys made women smile. We can get back there one household, one church, and one community at a time. Wherever God has put you, create a beachhead of sanity.

Some are saying it is fake. That would be great.

He got involved with a younger woman and hid it for years and eventually got caught. What he found was new content for a book.

“The idealist will resent a pastor who is a real man. He desires a hero to emulate, a man who never disappoints. No such man exists in the real world, except the God-Man. And yet Christ commands us to submit ourselves to imperfect men” 🔥 -@thisisfoster

My lectures for next week’s intensive at @grimkeseminary are… PLNT710 – Understanding Your Context: 1. Insights and Takeaways from Murray’s The Madness of Crowds 2. Comparing and Contrasting Biblical Anthropology (Male and Female) with Current Cultural Anthropology (Androgenous Fluidity) 3. Reflecting on Generational Trends across Boomers, X-ers, Millennials, Z, and Alphas

All male authority figures must go. You can’t trust them. All true stories must be reimagined until they reflect you.

Everyone gets angry... Yes, not all anger is sin, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Men, women, old, and young all have been guilty of sinful anger. It’s a shared experience that cuts across every culture, time, and life stage. That being said, sinful anger is an especially male problem. This is, in part, due to the fact that males have more testosterone than women. Higher levels of “T” are associated with higher levels of aggression. Also, testosterone levels spike in men when they are faced with some sort of challenge. This is why men tend to react to difficult situations with aggression, and that aggression can often take the form of sinful anger. We don’t need neuroscience to know this. It should be common sense. But we live in stupid times. Nonetheless, we see that Scripture knows that sinful anger and wrath are a male problem. In the sex-specific commands of 1 Timothy 2, Paul says, “…I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and dissension.” Men are more aggressive overall. Therefore, it’s not surprising that Paul commands men to put aside wrath and dissension. We also see something like this in the Ephesian household codes. Paul says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (6:4). Sin gives way to sin and sinful anger gives way to sinful anger (Rom 6:19). Angry fathers will result in angry children, although sometimes that angry child simmers under an outwardly repressed shell. Note that in Eph 6:4 “provoking your children to anger” is contrasted with “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” That is purposeful. James 1:20 teaches us “for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” An angry man cannot bring up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It is as Christ said, “A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.” Fathers reproduce themselves in their children. The angry father’s children may become godly adult Christians but it will be despite his angry way. That is why it’s so important that a father embodies Proverbs 16:32: “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” A father who rules his own spirit well will give his children the gift of emotional stability. He will not be easily pulled into participating in their emotional outbursts. Instead, he will pull them into his calm, controlled emotional state. When his son raises his voice or strikes a disrespectful tone, he will not match and exceed it will a louder voice and even more intense tone. Doing so would make his angry son the emotional leader in that interaction. Fathers must be the emotional leader. It is by his cool head in hot disputes that he teaches his children to discipline and control their emotions.

If It Has Whiskers, It’s Not a Baby When Emily and I first started dating, she showed me old photo albums from her childhood. What stood out wasn’t her haircuts or clothes, it was the cats. She had a cat in about ninety percent of those pictures. Back then, she was a cat person. Her cat, Hobbs, was a big, fat, lazy pillow of a creature. A good cat, as far as cats go. When we got married, we did what a lot of young couples do right out of the gate… we got a pet. Another cat. His name was Moses. Unlike Hobbs, he was sharp. I even taught him to dunk wadded up paper into a hoop above my office trash can. It’s instinctual for young couples to get a small life to care for together. But let’s be clear: there are no “cat moms” or “fur babies.” There are only pet owners. That’s not to diminish the affection you can have for a pet. Growing up, my collie Rudy slept at the foot of my bed and followed me everywhere. Today, our German Shepherd, Luther, is a beloved member of the household. But he’s not a son. He’s not a baby. He’s the family dog, and we love him for what he is. One of the biggest mistakes we made early in marriage was delaying having kids. We told ourselves we were waiting until we were financially ready. Of course, “ready” was never defined. The truth is, we could’ve taken care of a baby from day one. But there was pressure, from the culture and peers, to wait. It made Emily anxious, and I failed in leadership. So we waited three years. And in that time, we had three cats. What a waste. Little to no good comes from a marriage with no children, at least not for long. If you can’t afford to care for one child, you shouldn’t be getting married. Marriage itself demands a certain level of maturity and responsibility. And for those who say, “We just want to strengthen our relationship first,” I’d ask, since when do ease and vacations build character? Sure, trips and date nights are great. Take them while you can. But they’re not the forge where love becomes durable. If you want to grow close to your spouse, have a baby. It changes everything. The woman changes. The man changes. You’re no longer just husband and wife. You’re father and mother. Becoming one flesh isn’t only about the act that creates life. It’s about the shared life itself. You are forever joined in that child. The hardships will draw you together. But so will the glory. I’ve stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon. It’s magnificent. But it’s nothing compared to hearing your child say “Daddy” for the first time. Or seeing them take their first steps. Or win a wrestling match. Or walk through the door with a fiancé on their arm. There’s a deep satisfaction between a man and his wife when they look at the life they’ve made together and see that life flourish. It emboldens you. It reminds you that, by God’s grace, you can do great things. So, if the Lord gives you the gift of children, and you shouldn’t presume He will, receive it quickly and gladly. It’s one of the great purposes of marriage. Nothing binds two souls together quite like raising a child. If it has whiskers, it’s not a baby. What got me thinking about this was Facebook. It came along during our early parenting years, and now my memories feed is full of pictures of our family. The ones with Emily no longer have cats. Ninety percent of them show my beautiful bride surrounded by our sons and daughters. Children clinging to her, laughing, growing. And it struck me: not only did we make people, but the people we made have made us.

"We are so tender, that a man can scarcely touch us but we are hurt; and so high-minded, that a man who is not versed in complimenting, and skilled in flattery above the vulgar rate, can scarcely tell how to handle us so observantly, and fit our expectations at every turn, without there being some word, or some neglect, which our high spirits will fasten on, and take as injurious to our honour." Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor This has become the normal condition of Christians today. Christians treat the lightest rebuke or correction like a body slam. What a failure! | God give us the heart of the Psalmist: "Let a righteous man strike me, it is a kindness; let him rebuke me, it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it." Psalm 141:5

So, General Assembly solved the FFO (functional female officers) problem in the PCA?

One of the great blessings of my life is that I fell in love with a woman who fell in love with being a wife and mother. I love that she loves children. Yesterday, our church started a new moms’ ministry, Eyrie. So I came over to the church just to be a presence there. Also, the folks from George Grant’s church came over to pick up an old wood pulpit that we’ve donated to them. I had to be there for that. So I waited at the door for the moving truck to arrive. I was encouraged to see all these women who chose marriage and motherhood, who love children, streaming into our new church building. In this ministry, the women gather for breakfast, have a devotional, and then have some sort of practical workshop. Simple but effective. While they do that, we divide the children up into their own rooms. I popped my head in just to see how it was going. There were a ton of kids. As I saw all those kids, I thought, man, our church has a bright future. And children are the future of the church, but they’re also an important part of its present. Caring for those who care for the children, building them up, encouraging them, strengthening them, is another way to invest in the spiritual well-being of children. In other words, another way of investing in the present and future of the church is investing in mothers. The blessing of both children and motherhood is under attack. And it is my hope that this ministry is a way to feed the fire of those who love this unique blessing. With that in mind, I thought I would share Emily’s notes from the teaching she gave yesterday. I thought it was quite good... Welcome to Eyrie by Emily Foster Motherhood is under attack. Our culture is a culture that despises children. Despises mothers. I wrote that statement on a plane this weekend. I was on the first of two flights I was making, returning home from a trip to the PNW with my family. As I stared at those words in my Notes app, I questioned myself, "Is that accurate? Is that too blanket of a statement, and negatively so? Is that attitude toward children and motherhood just in the major cities and not the case across the majority of the US? Is that true of the Midwest, specifically of our own hometown of the Greater Cincinnati Area? On the second flight, I decided to check Facebook. In a local Eastside Cincinnati "Moms and Friends" Facebook group there was a post: “My 8 year old daughter just informed me she will never be having kids. She said she wants to live in a small house with 1 cat. She wants an office, a room for the cat and a cat storage room. I asked her why she didn't want kids. She said, "I am not paying for cribs, diapers, or toys. I will spend money on me and my cat." Bahahahaha....looks like I am going to have grandkittens ya'll!" The comments were filled with many celebratory cheers. "Heck yeah, girl!" "Sounds perfect!" "You go, girl!" "Sounds magical. Lol." One woman replied: "Heck yeah! I knew from a very young age that I didn't want kids, and stuck with that. I also agree with not wanting to pay for supplies! Kid stuff is expensive! I have now have two fur babies that are my whole world and are spoiled absolutely rotten. So spoiled, that I just ordered them a doggie bunk bed off of Amazon that'll arrive sometime next week." This post had been up for about 23 hours and had already received 131 likes. Considering the normal activity of this page, it essentially had gone viral. Most posts had less than 10 likes, though I did find a few pinned posts that had 65. In the comments, women responded with their various “animal progeny.” Collectively, there was mention of having grand-horses, grand-doggies and many, many grand-cats. One woman boasted about having a grandhamster. Amidst all the LOLs, she snuck in one honest, stinging statement: “Reggie the grandham is cute, but [I’m] still hoping for grandchildren someday.” Tongue-in-cheek statements usually have a core truth, an underlying message that shows what the person actually believes. They are a way to reveal our true hearts about something stressful or heavy by making them lighthearted, while also having a way to backpedal and say, “It was just a joke” if not well-received. It's jarring to hear women speak this way. Motherhood is a gift. A sacred trust. It should be a treasure that we guard, protect, revere and pass down. Not something we belittle, laugh at and mock. Sadly, it is not uncommon for women, instead of passing the torch, to snuff it out. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Currently, the US Total fertility rate is 1.60 children. The replacement fertility rate required for a population to maintain its size is 2.1 children per woman. Here in Ohio, we are on par with the nation at 1.65. In the United States, 85% of the women have children vs 15% do not. For younger women, which the CDC classifies as Prime Childbearing: Ages 20–39, delayed marriage, extended education, and economic calculations have pushed the ratio drastically toward not having children yet. In this group, approximately 48% have children vs. 52% do not. Research from the University of New Hampshire Carsey School shows that out of 44.2 million women in this age tier, 23.1 million have never given birth. This represents a 45% increase in childlessness for this cohort since 2006. The ratio may shift further in the future. Recent CDC Birth Expectations data reveals that nearly 40% of childless women in their 20s now state they do not expect or intend to ever have children, a sharp increase from previous decades where childlessness was almost entirely a matter of temporary delay. In that Facebook post, one mother shared: "My 8 year old says she isn’t [going to have any children] either because she ‘sees how much we stress you out and I don’t want that in my life.’” Again, a nugget of truth. Motherhood is not easy. It can be very stressful. But that doesn’t mean it is bad or that we should avoid it simply because it is hard. Often it is the difficulty of a thing that makes it worthwhile. Through the challenges of motherhood, fortitude is forged. Resilience is shaped. After all, it is through pressure that transforms a lump of coal into a sparkling diamond. So where do we turn when life is stressful? Should it be toward ourselves or toward our cats? Psalm 121:1-2 tells us where to look: I will lift my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.” Motherhood is a refiner's fire. Its flames reveal the true nature of our souls. Its coals touch our tongues and purify our hearts. As we teach our children about the Lord and all of life, we learn about the Giver of Life and all that is important. At Eyrie, at East River Church, it is our desire to be a supportive community to families as we raise up the next generation of Christian men & women. We started this ministry to specifically pour in to you mothers as you raise your children in the Lord. I have had the desire to start a ministry like this since the formation of East River in 2020. About 16 years ago, I helped start and run a moms group like this for five years. I saw the good fruit that came from it and wanted to bless others through another. There are many moms groups offered around town. It's not uncommon for them to require membership dues after attending one free meeting. I had been part of a moms group like that years ago. It was awkward to ask new moms, "Did you enjoy yourself? Want to come again? Well it will cost you!" It was also frustrating that the money collected didn’t even benefit our local chapter in any way. It all went back to corporate. Here at East River, we want both the meetings and childcare to be completely free. We want these meetings to give moms a break while also building up and equipping them to do the hard work of mothering. But not in some generic way. Rather in a particular way. In a God-honoring way. We want to help you in practical matters such as how to improve running your households, how to care for yourself & grow in mother culture, as well as call you to raise your children in the fear & admonition of the Lord. And we want to cultivate a supportive community of like-minded mothers. We wanted to have older mothers (and grandmothers!) reaching out to help the younger mothers. We wanted to create a place for ladies to make friends with other peers who are also currently “in the trenches” of motherhood. Sisters who you can laugh & cry with, who understand the ups and downs of a life raising children. So what is Eyrie? An eyrie is a nest of an eagle. The image of a bird's nest with eggs is a universal symbol of motherhood. It captures the sense of a woman's call to raise her children in the fear & admonition of the Lord and to be homeward focused to God's glory. All women are called to be mothers. Regardless if you are a woman looking forward to motherhood, a young mom in the thick of it, a seasoned mother or a grandmother, this ministry is for YOU! Eyrie is a place for... Biblical instruction: Every session is grounded in scripture and the wisdom of God's word for mothers. Practical skills: There will be hands-on, expert led teaching covering homemaking, health, hospitality, and more. Real friendship: A safe place to be known, supported and encouraged by women in the same season as well as women a season ahead of you. There is much available to us today through online tutorials. I've learned a lot through them. But there is something special about having someone "in the flesh" showing you the ropes. Firstly, the relationship. You don't just "feel" like you know the person. You truly do. Second, there's a confidence you gain learning a skill side by side with an older, experienced woman vs watching her do it in a video. You gain confidence and boldness to step out and try something new when you have that seasoned lady at your elbow to ask, "Am I doing this right?" Our time here will focus on the practical outworkings of many homemaking skills like how plan and make frugal meals, essential cooking skills, curating a beautiful home on a budget, how to maintain our bodies through standard/regular exercise as well as during the various stages of life (prenatal, postpartum, nonperi/post/menopause), planning enjoyable date nights, and much more. It will give us Titus 2 women a natural opportunity to pour into the younger women like you, and for you younger women to glean, grow & mature. Thankfully in that FB post, there was one bold woman who posted a single, redeeming comment: "I always said the same thing, even as a teen/college kid. Now I'm expecting my second daughter and being a mom has been the best thing ever!" I have been a mother for 20 years and am a grandmother (my oldest and his wife are expecting the birth of their first child in March of 2027.) It is our desire here at Eyrie, at East River, to help you with carrying the torch forward. We want each of your little nests to be beacons of light, little cities on the seven hills of the Greater Cincinnati Area. So pull up a chair and have a seat at the table. We are so glad you are here.

The kids in a big family don’t all grow up with the same parents. Even when they share the same mom and dad. Time has a way of working on people. Parents aren’t exempt. By the time the youngest arrives, Mom and Dad are changed. Sometimes softer. Sometimes harder. Sometimes both. That can help or hurt. Usually it does a little of each. Our kids came in waves. The first three were boys, born about two years apart. That was wave one. Then came Nicaea, our daughter. She died. Her death split the timeline. It created a silence between the children we had and the ones still to come. Then, to our surprise, another girl. She began wave two. After her came Cedar. Then Cyprian. Last came the ones we call the “we thought we were done” wave, Cyrene and Foxe. From our oldest to our youngest, nearly 18 years span the gap. Long enough for a family to become a living record. Each child carries a piece of who we were. And we carry the weight of who we’ve become because of them. In the early years, we were wide-eyed and wound tight. We didn’t want to mess it up. Our kids got our time. But the fuel behind it wasn’t just love. It was fear. I’d play with them for hours, then lie in bed convinced I hadn’t done enough. One of our bigger regrets is how often we spanked. That’s how we were taught. It wasn’t the only tool we used, but it was the one always within reach. And while I see strength and loyalty in our older children, I also see a tension in them. A need to control things. A current of anxiety. I can’t pretend it isn’t connected to how often we reached for the rod. I’ve had to tell them, more than once, when they asked why the younger kids don’t get spanked as much. I had to say it plain. We spanked you too much. Please forgive us. Still, a lot went right. They ran wild in creeks, threw balls in open fields, listened to bedtime stories almost every night. They were raised in the church. They learned the Bible and the catechism. And they had a dad who somehow kept going on five hours of sleep. I was strong then. And stubborn. And driven. But we were young and scared. That fear shaped more than we saw at the time. The world splits history into B.C. and A.D. Our family splits it before and after Nicaea. I’ve said a lot about her already. So I’ll just say this. Her death broke something in me. And that break let in something deeper. I learned how to hurt. How to sit with sorrow. How to hold grief and not try to fix it. And that changed how we raised our children. We grew slower to anger. We didn’t stop spanking altogether, but it wasn’t the go-to anymore. We started reasoning more. Taking things away. Explaining, not just reacting. And, yes, we probably overcorrected. That’s what people do. Our younger ones are looser. A little messier. But I don’t see the same nervous energy in them. They breathe easier. I’m not as one-on-one attentive as I used to be. I can’t be. I’m outnumbered. But I’ve found new ways to stay close. Family dinners. Friday movie nights. Rides to work. I’ve traded intensity for steadiness. And something better has grown in its place. If you age right, you mellow in some places and sharpen in others. When you're young, everything feels big. You chase every little thing. But age teaches you what matters. You see men you once looked up to raise vipers. You watch good intentions rot under pride. And you realize you don’t have the bandwidth to do it all. So you start pruning. You cut what doesn’t bear fruit. And you cling to what does. Pareto’s Principle shows up. Twenty percent of what you do brings eighty percent of the fruit. You learn to keep the main things, and let the rest go. That’s how you settle down without giving up. That’s how you get sharp without becoming brittle. Every good parent carries regret. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or too proud to know better. Don’t trust them. We have regrets. I’ll write more later. But we don’t let them win. My parents failed me in ways. I forgave them. I will fail my kids. I hope they do the same. If not, their day will come. They’ll ask forgiveness from their own children. Years from now, my oldest will tell stories to my youngest. Stories the little one never heard. And the little one will tell stories back. Different ones. They are both time capsules. They carry pieces of who I was. Good and bad. Light and shadow. But if I keep repenting, if I keep leaning into grace, they’ll look back with love. No one starts out knowing how to do this, so don’t freeze up. Your kids don’t need pristine parents, there’s no such thing. As the old saying goes, God writes straight with crooked sticks. By grace, He makes saints out of sinners’ children. So give them what you’ve got, and keep chasing Christ with everything in you. Ask Him to make your efforts count. If He can set a soaked altar on fire, He can work through your imperfect parenting. Keep going, Mom and Dad. You’re not alone. God is with you, and that’s enough.

We are traveling home by plane. My two year old is sick of it. So we gave him some @Oreo’s so he would cheer up. I guess it worked.