What's being described here is existential anxiety stemming from having too much time on your hands and no real struggle. The survival brain hasnt adopted to the idle Western way of life. He cant explain the feeling of "WRONG BODY" because it makes no sense.
Nobody gets to choose their own avatar. Stop obsessing over yourself and find something meaningful to do.
being born with the wrong sex, and in the wrong body, is the most singular, horrifying experience I think a person could have. It feels so hard to explain what it is like—like I could spend my whole life trying and never communicate it properly.