Q: "Why are local leaders so much more lax on pornography use today than they were 20-30 years ago? It used to be a major, disqualifying transgression and now it's like 'Meh, you're a guy, just try to do it less, okay?'"
This is purely my speculation, but I'll give my two cents.
First point: The ideal hasn't changed.
While I do sense there has been a major cultural/tonal change, the doctrine of the Gospel has not changed. Jesus's standard of lust is still in force, and all Church leaders would echo Elder Richard G. Scott's condemnation and warning of pornography:
"The onslaught of pornography in all of its vicious, corroding, destructive forms... is one of the most DAMNING influences on earth... This potent tool of Lucifer degrades the mind and the heart and the soul of any who use it. All who are caught in its seductive, tantalizing web and remain so will become addicted to its immoral, destructive influence... How can a man, particularly a priesthood bearer, not think of the emotional and spiritual damage caused to women, especially his wife, by such abhorrent activity?" (Oct 2009)
Pornography is damning. Peroid.
Second point: Divine accommodation.
Pornography is really, REALLY prevalent. Look at the statistics. It's depressing. The majority of active Latter-day Saint men, the the vast majority of men under 40 seek out pornography at least monthly. Go ask a singles Ward Bishop how many men he'd have available to pass a sacrament if he excluded everyone who sought out pornography in the last month, and he'll tell you it's practically zero.
But should prevalence influence our response? Even if 99.9% of the Church is doing something evil, that doesn't make it right... right?
Right. But it does influence how the Lord and His leaders respond to things. This is called divine accommodation. Some examples:
God warned Israel not to have a king. But they were going to have a king one way or another. So He instructed Samuel to anoint a king.
God abhors slavery. But that was commonplace ancient near Eastern culture. So He gave rules on treatment of slaves.
God abhors divorce. But the Israelites were too weak to accept that. So He gave instructions on the hows and whys of divorce.
In our day, God commanded the practice of the United Order. But the Saints didn't fully commit themselves, and it was withdrawn.
He commanded the establishment of the city of Zion. But the Missouri Saints were persecuted from without and not fully committed within. So God has put the city of Zion on hold for almost 200 years now.
Perhaps the change in tone and emphasis reflects such an accommodation? The Lord warned us through His mouthpieces in the most straightforward language they could through muster to stay away from the vicious trap of pornography. But collectively we did not heed them.
His warning still stands, but the damage is done. We collectively "bring upon [ourselves] the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."
Perhaps further strong warnings will not change hearts, just increase accountability.
Third point: We may be overcorrecting.
The stark language of earlier talks (like Elder Scott's talk above) was very effective for kids like me to develop the appropriate "river of fire" mentality with regard to chastity and media. I read the Miracle of Forgiveness and it made me mortally afraid to go anywhere near that stuff.
And honestly, thank God for that!
But warning of the viciousness of Satan isn't enough for most youth and young adults-- they needed practical guidance on repentance and overcoming addiction, and they rarely received that from heavy warning-only talks. So the pendulum shifted to grace and mercy, healing, forgiveness, and love.
The problem is we focus so heavily on that nowadays, that I wonder if we're doing enough to warn of the dangers to the new generation. Maybe Church leaders hoped such "hard" conversations would come from parents and local leaders. After all, correction is best administered one on one, right?
But I think that largely isn't happening.
So 20 years ago, the average Latter-day Saint teenager had probably never read the Book of Mormon cover to cover, but he could certainly tell you the Lord hates pornography. Today, the average teen still hasn't read the Book of Mormon, but also might see pornography in the same category as energy drinks:
"Yeah someone told me some prophets used to talk about it. It's probably not good for you. But everyone does it and no one seems to care, so it can't be that bad."
I think there's a strong tendency today among local leadership to treat everyone as a scrupulous perfectionist with religious anxiety:
"You're enough. God loves you as you are. Don't run faster than you have strength. Love yourself the way God loves you."
And why not? No parent is going to complain to you about being too soft-spoken. And that approach may be exactly the one actually perfectionist youth in your ward needs. Those hard conversations are really the primary responsibility of parents, anyway. And skipping those subjects won't cause life destroying problems until well after you're released, anyway.
Skipping the hard conversations as a local leader is a win win win win... unless, of course, you're worried about their salvation or something.
I think we need to build a clear fence around the pasture so the ninety and nine don't wander, then go after the one.
I'd like to see more frank talk about pornography and other "hard" issues. That's why I miss priesthood session-- that's when the Church leaders would lovingly but firmly get down to brass tacks with us and warn us of the spiritual dangers they saw on the horizon or at our doors. Like Pres.
@HollandJeffreyR famously did in 2011:
"This is a life-and-death contest we are in, young men, so I am going to get in your face a little, nose to nose, with just enough fire in my voice to singe your eyebrows a little—the way coaches do when the game is close and victory means everything. And with the game on the line, what this coach is telling you is that to play in this match, some of you have to be more morally clean than you now are. In this battle between good and evil, you cannot play for the adversary whenever temptation comes along and then expect to suit up for the Savior at temple and mission time as if nothing has happened. That, my young friends, you cannot do. God will not be mocked."
Seriously, when's the last time we heard a talk so simultaneously inspiring and correcting like that? I miss it, and I think the young adults and youth of the Church would greatly benefit from some loving straight-talk like that.