Je suis triste quand je vois toute cette effervescence autour du catholicisme, je prédisais cela depuis des années et j'ai l'impression d'être un agent de la CIA qui assisterait impuissant au retour de l'Union Soviétique. Dans 45 ans la France redeviendra catholique et nous n'aurons plus que nos yeux pour pleurer. Je suis bon joueur néanmoins les catholiques sont beaucoup mieux organisés ainsi que plus déterminés que nous les musulmans et même que les sionistes, il faut savoir reconnaître la force de l'international catholique. Les catholiques américains vont maintenant inonder le monde de leur soft power au détriment à la fois de l'hégémonie spirituelle musulmane en Europe de l'Ouest et du lobby sioniste.

The jawbone of the newly beatified Blessed Fulton J. Sheen, incensed by Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle.

Long vent post. Probably will delete later. Not going to make a habit of posting like this, but I need to vent cus I'm reaching complete burnout because the current job + job search + parents situation isn't letting me rest and my brain isn't working. Called 911 on my dad last night at 2am because of his drinking. Mom is currently held up in a rehab center again so it's just him this time. He couldn't walk, was hallucinating, and his BAC was 0.45. This is sadly normal in this house. Probably the 500th ambulance called and that BAC is a typical number for both of them. For reference, anything past 0.4 is usually considered lethal, and the dude has a heart condition and has had open heart surgery. He also has no recollection of how he got to the hospital. This is NORMAL here. This is TUESDAY. And that's far from all the details of what makes this living situation hostile. ...I understand that I'm here to try and keep them alive for as long as I can. I get that. Fine. I'm building my sense of charity or something. In that sense, I'm thankful. But this has to end at some point. I can't keep living like this. I haven't felt a sense of safety or security in my own living space in years. My brain is mush. My muscles feel like bricks from tension. People that I know well and people that I don't have ALL asked me to leave this place. My own little sister told me she has "survivor's guilt." Multiple 911 teams that came over has told me I need to escape. "Fuck your parents, nobody should have to go through this. This isn't normal." I know that... But I can't. Even though this is turning me into a husk of a person that's losing my ability to communicate with others or be functional at all because I'm just so depleted, I still can't. Even if I did have somewhere to go, somewhere I could take my computer with me so I can keep working, I can't abandon my parents. It has to end eventually. I just don't know how. At this rate, one of them is going to pass away within the next year, and depending on who it is, the other one probably isn't long behind because of their codependence on each other. Suicidal threats from either of them aren't uncommon in this house either. I genuinely fear that I may find a sense of relief if that happens, and I feel awful even saying that. What an awful thing to say about your own parents. I don't want them to die, but I want my body and my life back. At the very least, I'll finally be able to start making progress towards making a new family somewhere else if it does happen.