"When you're weak you should be totally disgusted by your weakness. Treating yourself good does not help"
You're mixing up the two sources.
Mother, and Father.
Unconditional source, and conditional source.
Yes, weakness should cause disgust.
Your mom wants the weakness away. So she treats you well. She feeds you.
Your father wants the weakness away. So he treats you well - he teaches you to become strong.
Your father treats you well and helps you become strong.
"But I should be treated poorly".
Because you think you're the weakness. You're holding to it. You think you're, it.
Which is why you're, weak.
The weakness has to disappear and you're not letting it go. And the weakness wants to grow.
By treating yourself poorly, you feed it.
You become, weaker - as you expand.
Or.
You only grow, you only expand by treating yourself bad, when you're, inverted.
You grow - against.
You will grow.
Twisted.