What are you looking at, buddy? I'm just an American drinking a Coca-Cola

Nathan Fielder's next project is about you. He's been surveilling you for three years. Your home is rigged with hidden cameras, your phone lines are tapped. All of the meaningful relationships you've developed have been with paid actors. And you are probably going to jail

I’m really impressed with the quality of this printer.

PULLING ON MY PENIS

They're inventing bold new tummyaches every single day. What a time to be alive.

The greatest cigarette ever created

This reminds me of the time climate protestors made me late for work.

local man and noted idiot keeps checking his phone in hopes that there will be a notification that he actually wants

i dont like who you are when you havent had your Wendy's

Another blue check defender

They made it illegal to have a good day

Me whispering to my lungs as i struggle to breathe every night

You cannot consume insane amounts of beans and wear a catsuit. That's not my opinion, that's physics.

We used to be a proper country

This is exactly how her songs have always sounded to me I just tried to be nice about it for my friends' sakes until 2021.

NEW: I posed as a problem gambler on DraftKings to test the company’s “responsible gaming” safeguards. Spoiler Alert: They invited me into the VIP program after just one week. Here’s how I yeeted $20K+ ripping riskier and risker bets 🧵

🚨🚨Which state is likely to have the MOST government oppression? My guess: the one positioned to produce a SHIT TON of DUAL-USE DRONES. OHIO. 🇺🇸 Anduril was already causing problems for Ohioans 6 months in…lobbying for the amendment slipped into HB96. We’re 1.5 years in now. JFC. I’ve been warning about this for a year and a half.

Palmer Luckey and Anduril commit crimes against humanity. Abolish tech fascism.

I hate when I'm trying to finish a cig and it goes out with like two hits left, because you know I'm gonna have to relight that shit and get em