Keir Starmer dies...
...and ends up at the pearly gates.
St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.
"So, you're a politician...hated one"
"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"
"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and hell and then you will be free to choose where you want to spend the rest of eternity."
"Why can't I choose now? Why do I have to spend a day in hell?"
"Well, that is the policy."
First, Starmer the hated spends a day in heaven.
He sees angels singing and people playing harps. He finds heaven very boring for him.
Next, he spends a day in hell.
Upon arriving there he expects to see barren wastelands with rivers of lava and people being boiled alive, but instead sees lush greenery and a large five-star hotel in front of him. At the hotel entrance, he sees Satan wearing a tuxedo and sipping on a martini.
"This isn't what I expected hell to be."
"Oh, hell has been completely misrepresented. We have a luxury five-star hotel with seven-course meals prepared by the best chefs. And we have all the sporting facilities you could imagine with a very large pool. All this is for free."
So Starmer spends the entire day playing golf and eating his meals by the poolside.
At the end of the day, he sleeps in the most luxurious bed he could imagine in a very large suite.
The next morning, when he wakes up, he is back at the pearly gates where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"So what will it be?"
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I prefer hell."
So, Starmer is transported back to hell, where he sees a barren wasteland illuminated only by the glow of rivers of lava and hears the screams of people being tortured.
The people were starving and were dressed in rags.
The air is full of the stench of sulphur. Once again, he sees Satan in his tux.
"What happened to the hotel, the golf course, the pool and all the greenery I saw yesterday?"
"Well'' said Satan, we followed your political career and decided to copy you. Yesterday, we were campaigning; today you voted, and now you must live with Socialist Fabianism."