OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM ROCKSTAR GAMES
We would like to address today’s Grand Theft Auto strip club leak.
Yes, the leaker has now made it inside.
Yes, Jason walked through the doors.
Yes, there are jiggle physics.
Yes, he used binoculars like he was birdwatching.
Yes, an NPC said “here kitty, kitty.”
Yes, the clip ends with the line “I gotta take a leak.”
We are… extremely normal about this.
Current Internal Response:
• The entire cybersecurity team (all two of them, paid $100/year combined) has been locked in a room with energy drinks and a single sticky note that just says “find him”
• Every Indian employee has been asked if they know anyone named Cyberleek
• The art team that spent three years perfecting the strip club lighting is currently face-down on their desks
• Take-Two leadership has ordered an emergency meeting titled “How the fuck did we lose the strip club”
To the leaker:
Congratulations. You have officially leaked the one location we were most embarrassed about showing early.
We hope you’re proud.
We hope the crypto coin hits $3 million.
We hope you enjoy your free “I Leaked the Strip Club” achievement.
Rockstar Games remains committed to delivering the most immersive, detailed, and completely un-leaked open world experience… just as soon as we stop the bleeding.
In the meantime, please stop asking if the dancers have names.
We’re still trying to remember our own.
-Rocksaar Games