Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEric

I would like to sit down.

Joined July 2017
2,675 Photos and videos
“Are you free Sunday night” Are you out of your mind.
88
8,527
48,583
613,577
I swear to god it better not be Monday when I wake up tomorrow.
8
12
153
3,020
Life is just a series of slightly more expensive trips outside the house.
3
19
117
2,056
“You look tired” Thanks I’m old.
15
51
447
6,172
Today would have been his 78th birthday.
51
852
Not Today Eric retweeted
Garage Beer
@drinkgaragebeer
Sep 21
Make fun of yourself more
19
16
203
7,119
Dear kids, this is Phil Hartman. He was awesome.
298
482
7,583
82,449
Having a weekday off is an underrated experience.
8
20
215
2,939
Not Today Eric retweeted
Robert Wilkinson
@robertwlk
Sep 22
I lost my thesaurus and I'm gutted. Totally gutted, absolutely gutted.
97
3,127
81,088
1,160,188
Not Today Eric retweeted
Uncle Ray's
@UncleRaysWay
Sep 23
Do you ever look at a potato and think about the potato chips it could make?
1
1
12
496
Welcome to adulthood: oh you like surprises? Here’s another chin. Surprise!
13
29
241
4,676
“Wow you lost weight” Thanks I can’t afford food.
54
474
5,529
56,587
Being fat got pricey.
29
978
They say if you’re pure of heart you’re allowed to smoke in Dollar General while you shop.
12
43
170
3,133
Not Today Eric retweeted
your other mom
@difficultpatty
Sep 23
Good morning to everyone except people with loud mufflers.
19
7
117
1,790
Nice tweet! Now let's get you a therapist.
2
36
127
4,579
(after a break) Facebook: welcome back. Instagram: welcome back. Twitter: well well well look who it is, daddy’s back on the sauce.
7
34
293
3,946
Not Today Eric retweeted
Old Man Rattle@oldrattle_
Sep 22
looking up do thugs and gangsters eat candy
6
100
1,170
12,201
Not Today Eric retweeted
‏ً
@omgsidewalks
Sep 22
You actually NEVER hit a 100% completion rate with laundry.
177
3,263
48,059
1,010,651
Not Today Eric retweeted
Boyd's Backyard™
@TheBoydP
5 Aug 2018
Don’t mind me, I’m just over here binge breathing.
22
519
857
Not Today Eric retweeted
Lori@Cornjerker78
24 Jul 2023
More tweets? What did you do with the ones I already gave you?
12
501
390
33,429
Load more